Television injects violence in children, and programs with violent scenes should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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Sample Response
The general level of aggressive behaviour seems to be elevated in youngsters infrom the current generation. The intensity of negative traits such as violence is becoming more commonplace among children, and this tendencychildren and this tendency is a matter of concern for many parents. It is widely believedsurmised that the source of this phenomenon is the presence of violent television content accessible to childrencontent available for children. In my opinion, television is one of several sources that facilitatea single source out of several which facilitate aggressive tendencies among youngsters. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the topic in detail and justify my viewjustify my views on the same.
To begin with, it is important to recognizeaddress that the minds of juveniles are highly susceptible to external influenceshighly sensitive to the influence of any kind. Thus, if a child is displaying undesirable tendencies like aggression, placing all the blameputting the entire blame on what the child watcheswhat the infant views on the television isare illogical. The household ambience, experience at school and the nature of a child’s circle of friendsfriends circle are also highly influentialconsequential in the development of a young person’s personality.
Additionally, programs and shows that are broadcast on television are considered art forms and will be interpreted differently by different people. Thus, one person might be influenced by the brutal imagery of a certain program whereas another person might not be impacted at all by the same program. Thereby, banning T.V. shows on the basis that they encourage aggressive behaviourignite hostile practices among a segment of the population is not an effective measure for addressing the problemagainst the matter in question.
Nevertheless, the inclination towards condemning the material broadcastbroadcasted on television is understandable since the nature of these television programs has changed over the years. That being said, prohibiting such films and shows is not a viable course of action and will lead to a loss in the number of viewers since currently, the global audience prefers television content with greater shock valueprefers more shock value in television content.
Finally, I would like to conclude by saying that the belligerent behaviour among young people has several causesroots of belligerent habits amongst the youth are several and the origin of such behaviour cannot be traced back to a single source. That being said, altering what an infant views on the television is not a practical approach to this issue since television broadcasts are produced for a large global audienceproduced keeping in mind a huge audience globally.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position that violent television is only one influence on children and organizes its reasons logically. Its main limitation is that several claims, especially the argument about audience numbers and shock value, are only loosely connected to whether a ban is justified. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason with a specific causal explanation or example that directly tests the proposed ban.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear and consistent rejection of a ban is supported by several relevant reasons, although some points remain general or weakly connected to the proposal.
Develop the argument against banning with a concrete example and replace the audience-loss point with a reason that directly addresses effectiveness or rights.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through distinct reasons, with clear paragraphing and generally effective referencing despite some formulaic transitions.
Use fewer stock linking phrases and make the logical relationship between the fourth paragraph and the central position more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a broad vocabulary, but recurrent awkward collocations and imprecise choices such as referring to children as infants reduce naturalness.
Prioritize accurate, natural collocations over elevated synonyms and check that each noun precisely fits the age group or behaviour described.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with generally good control, though occasional agreement and punctuation errors remain.
Proofread subject-verb agreement in long clauses and streamline heavily modified sentences so grammatical relationships remain clear.