Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.
Sample Response
Captive animals are kept in closed enclosures for public viewing and entertainment, this charade is named as "zoo". Does this place stand any purpose in our betterment as the human being? In my opinion, a zoo does not serve any such purpose and it should be exiled. Many incidents of animal attacks on humans and vice versa reports from zoo across the world are readily available on the internet these days. The former takes place because these animals are at times traumatised or ill-treated which attributes to the attacks, whereas latter is a case where they are moulded to our purposes using insane methods. An exemplification would be in India, where elephants are being trained through such methods to serve human purposes. A zoo is basically animals devoid of their natural environment and lifestyles. Animals are bound to roam around the jungle and we, as humans, have no right to put them behind bars. Though they are fed and groomed well by some, most of the zookeepers are known to poses notorious approach towards the zoo animals. The situation were animals and birds are caged and displayed to feed human eyes is chaotic. On what grounds would such a place could even be considered to serve a useful purpose? A broader perspective would be, people especially children visiting a zoo have a recusant impact about our fellow primates in their minds due to the over dominating nature of human beings being displayed. Considering the mentioned problems, any favours in running a zoo is outweighed. Thus it is high time that all zoos should be either be shut down or replaced by natural sanctuaries where animals are more close to their natural realm of life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct verb Original: exiled Suggested revision: abolished Why it matters: A zoo can be abolished or closed, but it cannot be exiled.
- 2. Fix reversed relationship Original: animal attacks on humans and vice versa reports Suggested revision: animal attacks on humans and reports of humans attacking animals Why it matters: “Vice versa” cannot modify “reports” and does not identify the reverse action clearly.
- 3. Add linking phrase Original: A zoo is basically animals Suggested revision: A zoo essentially consists of animals Why it matters: A place cannot grammatically be equated directly with animals without a linking expression.
- 4. Match plural animals Original: environment and lifestyles Suggested revision: environments and ways of life Why it matters: The plural animals are deprived of their respective environments and ways of life.
- 5. Clarify natural behaviour Original: bound to roam around the jungle Suggested revision: meant to roam freely in the wild Why it matters: “Bound to” expresses certainty rather than the intended natural entitlement.
- 6. Clarify the agent Original: Though they are fed and groomed well by some Suggested revision: Although some animals are fed and cared for well Why it matters: The revision places “some” next to the animals it quantifies and uses a clearer verb.
- 7. Fix infinitive verb Original: poses Suggested revision: have Why it matters: After “to,” the base verb is required, and “have an approach” fits the sentence.
- 8. Use precise attitude phrase Original: notorious approach towards Suggested revision: harmful attitudes toward Why it matters: “Notorious approach” is an unnatural collocation and the plural matches multiple zookeepers.
- 9. Correct relative word Original: were Suggested revision: where Why it matters: The sentence needs the relative adverb “where,” not the past-tense verb “were.”
- 10. Use natural purpose phrase Original: displayed to feed human eyes Suggested revision: displayed for human entertainment Why it matters: The metaphor “feed human eyes” is unnatural and obscures the intended purpose.
- 11. Remove double modal Original: On what grounds would such a place could even be considered Suggested revision: On what grounds could such a place be considered Why it matters: A question cannot use both “would” and “could” before the same verb phrase.
- 12. Punctuate inserted phrase Original: people especially children visiting a zoo Suggested revision: people, especially children, who visit a zoo Why it matters: The inserted example needs commas, and the relative clause clarifies who experiences the effect.
Suggested Rewrites
- exiled abolished
- animal attacks on humans and vice versa reports animal attacks on humans and reports of humans attacking animals
- A zoo is basically animals A zoo essentially consists of animals
- environment and lifestyles environments and ways of life
- bound to roam around the jungle meant to roam freely in the wild
- Though they are fed and groomed well by some Although some animals are fed and cared for well
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear position and sustains it with several relevant concerns about animal welfare, safety, and the influence of zoos on visitors. Its main limitation is that claims are often asserted rather than fully explained, while frequent awkward phrasing and grammatical errors reduce precision. Prioritise developing each reason with a clear cause-and-effect explanation and using more natural sentence structures and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question with a consistent position and several relevant reasons, but support is sometimes general, unclear, or insufficiently developed.
Develop fewer main reasons more fully by explaining exactly how each one proves that zoos lack a useful purpose.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress in a broadly logical sequence, although the single extended body paragraph and some abrupt shifts weaken the organisation.
Separate the main arguments into focused body paragraphs with clear topic sentences and more explicit links between claims and examples.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations sometimes make the argument sound unnatural or imprecise.
Choose familiar words accurately and revise collocations such as those involving purpose, treatment, influence, and animal welfare.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause construction, and sentence boundaries reduce control.
Prioritise accurate clause structures and subject-verb agreement, then proofread each sentence for articles and unnecessary auxiliary verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.