Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
With the invention and widespread use of computers, mobile devices, the internet and other latest technologies people can now access to a range of information very easily. The communication technology enables them to contact anyone and exchange the information they desire. Though many people consider it as a great uplift towards a flexible and advanced era, many people believe that it a serious threat for us. I completely disagree with the idea that the disadvantages and threat of free information exchange and communication outweigh the advancement it has bought for us. First of all, there are very few people who might misuse the easily accessible information and can try to do harms to others. But consider the rest of the mass people who form more than 99.99% of the total population who would access information to enhance their knowledge, contact with people they care and contribute towards making the society a better place. Students, research people, teachers, professionals or even kids and mums access a various source of information for their daily needs and blocking their access from the fear of an unknown hacker or terrorist is like locking us at home 24 hours because there might be an accident on the road. In reality, the facility to exchange information and easy communication made it possible to shorten the distance of the world. The distance learning, online education, online business, email and websites like Wikipedia have made it possible for someone in a distant village to grab the potential to contribute to a greater enhancement. The sensitive data are always protected by the authority and they spend a huge amount to ensure the data protection and misuse. No matter how lucrative it sounds, hacking a bank’s website and getting information about the customers’ financial statement is as tough as walking to the middle of an ocean. Whenever we refer to the term modern world its underlying meaning refers technological advancement, information availability and flexibility of communication. Restricting the access and exchange of information for fear of danger is like living in the cave in fear of the earthquake. The technological advancement has made the world a better place to live in, has increased the transparency of government and authority and has enhanced the potential for more advancement and flexibility.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the generic article Original: The communication technology Suggested revision: Communication technology Why it matters: The general field communication technology does not take the definite article.
- 2. Fix the consider pattern Original: consider it as Suggested revision: consider it Why it matters: Consider takes a direct object complement without as in this construction.
- 3. Use a progress collocation Original: great uplift towards Suggested revision: major step towards Why it matters: Major step towards naturally describes movement to a more advanced era.
- 4. Add verb and fix preposition Original: it a serious threat for us Suggested revision: it is a serious threat to us Why it matters: The clause needs is, and threat takes the preposition to.
- 5. Use parallel plural nouns Original: threat Suggested revision: threats Why it matters: The coordinated general categories should both be plural.
- 6. Use brought and plural Original: advancement it has bought Suggested revision: advancements it has brought Why it matters: Brought is the past participle of bring, and advancements matches the general plural benefits.
- 7. Keep modal verbs parallel Original: might misuse the easily accessible information and can try Suggested revision: might misuse easily accessible information and try Why it matters: One modal can govern both coordinated verbs, and the general noun information needs no article.
- 8. Use uncountable harm Original: harms Suggested revision: harm Why it matters: Harm is uncountable in the expression do harm.
- 9. Name the majority naturally Original: rest of the mass people Suggested revision: vast majority of people Why it matters: The replacement is the natural expression for nearly all members of a population.
- 10. Use simple present Original: would access information Suggested revision: access information Why it matters: The sentence presents a general behaviour rather than a hypothetical action.
- 11. Fix contact and care patterns Original: contact with people they care Suggested revision: contact people they care about Why it matters: Contact is transitive here, while care requires about before its object.
- 12. Remove the generic article Original: making the society Suggested revision: making society Why it matters: Society takes no article when it refers generally to the social community.
Suggested Rewrites
- The communication technology Communication technology
- consider it as consider it
- great uplift towards major step towards
- it a serious threat for us it is a serious threat to us
- threat threats
- advancement it has bought advancements it has brought
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a clear disagreement and offers several relevant benefits of open information access, including education, communication and government transparency. Its main limitation is that unsupported figures and absolute claims about misuse and data protection weaken the argument, while the single long paragraph and frequent language errors reduce clarity. Acknowledge genuine risks, support comparisons realistically, and organise two or three developed reasons into separate paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and several relevant benefits are explained, but exaggerated statistics and dismissive claims leave the dangers insufficiently evaluated.
Concede specific risks such as fraud and privacy breaches, then explain why regulation and digital literacy preserve a net benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly understandable sequence, but the entire essay forms one paragraph and repetitive analogies weaken progression.
Use an introduction, separate benefit and risk-response paragraphs, and a concise conclusion that directly restates the extent of disagreement.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide range, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as "can access to information," "mass people" and "grab the potential" reduce precision.
Use standard phrases such as "access information," "the vast majority of people," "realise their potential" and "protect data from misuse."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually recoverable, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, word forms, clause boundaries and prepositions affect most sentences.
Shorten sentences and proofread core patterns, including "technology has brought," "people who access" and "data is protected by authorities."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.