Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Same question Compare 3 different answersSample Response
It is a fact that with advanced technologies, we could easily access and exchange information about an individual or an organisation through the internet. Although some people think that it is beneficial, others believe that it brings more threat to every individual's safety. The following essay will discuss it in details. It is true that we are living in a high technology era, where as information about persons, companies, states and even countries are stored online. With this technology, people could easily obtain and swap information with others. For certain people, they believe this advanced technology is beneficial for them, as it has assisted them in accomplishing their projects. For example, when a secret agent needs to investigate a murder case, he might need some personal information about the victim's relatives and friends. And with online technology, he could easily get all the required information, which will help him in solving the case. Despite all the benefits, uncontrolled access and exchange of information have some negative effects on our lives. It is reported that it has been frequently used by certain people for criminal activities. One of the common examples is about credit card database. Many credit card pins are stolen and used inappropriately. And then, sometimes an individual database is also hacked, as his personal database is used for any illegal acts by the hacker himself. In conclusion, to a certain point, I would agree that easy access and exchange to information have some advantages for our lives, but we should never forget that it has many disadvantages as well. I personally believe that there should be some clear regulation about it and the government should monitor it strictly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: technologies Suggested revision: technology Why it matters: "Technology" is uncountable when referring generally to modern technical capability.
- 2. Use present modal Original: could Suggested revision: can Why it matters: The present-tense general claim requires "can" rather than "could".
- 3. Fix internet preposition Original: through Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Information is conventionally accessed "on the internet".
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: brings more threat Suggested revision: poses a greater threat Why it matters: The standard expression is "poses a greater threat".
- 5. Use singular expression Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The fixed expression is "in detail".
- 6. Fix relative phrase Original: where as Suggested revision: in which Why it matters: "In which" correctly links the era to the condition described.
- 7. Fix subject agreement Original: are Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The uncountable subject "information" takes the singular verb "is".
- 8. Remove double subject Original: For certain people, they believe Suggested revision: Certain people believe Why it matters: The original construction incorrectly uses both an introductory noun phrase and a pronoun as the subject.
- 9. Fix adjective preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The standard collocation is "beneficial to" a person.
- 10. Use concise phrasing Original: assisted them in accomplishing Suggested revision: helped them complete Why it matters: The revision expresses the same result more directly and naturally.
- 11. Capitalize acronym Original: pins Suggested revision: PINs Why it matters: The acronym for personal identification numbers should be capitalized.
- 12. Remove weak transition Original: And then, sometimes Suggested revision: Sometimes Why it matters: The extra transition is unnecessary and makes the sequence sound conversational.
Suggested Rewrites
- technologies technology
- could can
- through on
- brings more threat poses a greater threat
- details detail
- where as in which
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a relevant qualified position and supports both the benefits and dangers of information access with understandable examples. Its main limitation is that the ideas remain somewhat general and are expressed through repetitive, sometimes inaccurate language, while the lack of paragraph breaks obscures the intended structure. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a clearer degree of agreement and organise the supporting reasons into distinct paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue and reaches a qualified conclusion, but its degree of agreement and supporting analysis are only moderately developed.
State the extent of agreement in the introduction and explain more precisely why the dangers outweigh, or do not outweigh, the benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a broadly logical movement from benefits to risks and a conclusion, but mechanical linking and absent paragraph breaks weaken cohesion.
Create separate paragraphs for the benefit, the danger, and the conclusion, using references that clearly connect each example to the central argument.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but repetition and inaccurate collocations such as brings more threat and exchange to information limit precision.
Replace repeated uses of information and database with precise terms such as personal data, records, data breaches, and unauthorised access.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response combines simple and complex sentences, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, and clause construction reduce control.
Edit each complex sentence for a clear subject-verb relationship and correct forms such as information is stored and access to information.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
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