Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?
Sample Response
Adolescents face several challenges on their path to adulthood and a successful careerand successful career. This becomesAnd it becomes even more difficult for school-leavers as finding their way throughsorting their way out in the employment market seems to be the most immediate and significant obstaclethe immediate and the biggest obstacle they encounter. In additionBesides, other social and family issues often affecthurt them, and this essay examines these challengesthis essay sheds some light on the topic. Regarding the problems that recent school graduates faceproblems fresh school graduates face, the most acute is the employers' reluctance to hire themscepticism harboured by employers over hiring them. It seems to be the reason behind the high rates of unemploymenthigh unemployment rates in many countries, especially in developing countriesthird-world countries where securingmanaging a job by a school leaver is exceptionally difficult. Employers usually look for experienced workers who possess practical skills and at least a college degree. Hence, school graduates with no prior experience are often placed at the bottom of the candidate listbottom of the shortlist. For instance, due to unemployment, many university graduates apply for entry-level clerical jobssimple clerical jobs, which makes the situation even more difficult for school-leaversmakes the scenario for school-leavers even more baffling. Moreover, limited job prospects arelimited job prospect is another big problem for them. Even ifthe school-leavers are lucky enough to secure a job, they have to work long hours forwith low wages. They often do not have sufficient time and money to pursue higher academic qualifications needed for career progression. Consequently, they are trapped in lower positions with limited social mobility. Sadly, young people are not only challenged by employment problems. They may live under the constant threatconsistently live under the threat of political instability, social unrest, sexual and racial discrimination, and child marriage - all of which are beyond their control. These risks pose seriousactual threats to the physical safety of young peopleyoungsters in addition to their livelihoods. To conclude, unemployment is the most challenging problem for young people, especially for school-leavers. However, the lack of safety, social unrest, and discriminationdiscriminations are also serious problems for them in parts of the world.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response answers both parts of the task, sustains a clear view of unemployment as the leading challenge, and uses specific reasoning about employer expectations and restricted mobility. Its main limitation is the absence of paragraphing, compounded by a briefer treatment of the other challenges. The highest priority is to separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and develop one or two non-employment challenges with the same depth as the central claim.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed with a clear position and well-developed employment arguments, although the additional challenges are mainly listed rather than fully examined.
Select one or two other challenges and explain their causes or consequences in greater depth instead of presenting a broad list.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear logical sequence and uses cohesive devices effectively, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens organisation and readability.
Divide the essay into an introduction, separate body paragraphs for employment and other challenges, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise range of vocabulary conveys complex social and employment issues, with occasional awkward collocations and word-form choices.
Improve collocational accuracy by revising phrases such as managing a job, limited job prospect, and discriminations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are generally well controlled and meaning remains clear, although a few article, agreement, and clause-formation errors occur.
Proofread conditional clauses and noun phrases carefully, especially missing conjunctions, articles, and singular-plural agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.