Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?
Sample Response
Unemployment is a significant challenge in many parts of the world today, but it is not the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. So, I disagree with the idea. Here, I will also outline other serious challenges that are faced by young people today.
School-leavers are young people who are generally very optimistic and enthusiastic about joining the professional world, but they are also generally very inexperienced at the same time about the realities of life as well as the professional world. In many cases, these school-leavers do not also have the necessary skills, aptitude and acumen, needed to enter or compete in the job market. But, once these school-leavers receive some proper training and experience, related to the available jobs, getting a job suddenly does not remain such a big challenge anymore.
A far bigger challenge for high school graduates is the dilemma to decide whether to take a year break or continue education, do a part-time job or take a skill development course, stay with the family or live alone, get into a relationship or focus on the future career and so on. Those decisions are crucial for their future and are quite challenging for young minds. For instance, more than 68% of school-leavers in our capital city find making the right decision far more challenging than getting a part-time job. Finally, staying away from bad companies and bad habits seems like another challenge that young people find really hard. Some bad companies can ruin the life of a school graduate without him or her even realising it. So this is extremely challenging.
In conclusion, unemployment is a big challenge, but not the biggest challenge for school-leavers. Deciding on important directions in life and staying away from bad friends and bad habits are much more challenging for them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the collocation Original: very inexperienced at the same time about Suggested revision: inexperienced in Why it matters: The adjective 'inexperienced' takes 'in' when referring to an area of limited knowledge.
- 2. Remove repeated wording Original: as well as the professional world Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The professional world has already been named earlier in the same sentence.
- 3. Place adverb correctly Original: do not also have Suggested revision: also do not have Why it matters: The adverb belongs before the negative auxiliary in this construction.
- 4. Remove intrusive comma Original: acumen, needed Suggested revision: acumen needed Why it matters: No comma should separate the noun phrase from its defining participial phrase.
- 5. Remove linker comma Original: But, once Suggested revision: But once Why it matters: A comma should not separate this coordinating conjunction from the following subordinate clause.
- 6. Remove intrusive comma Original: experience, related to Suggested revision: experience related to Why it matters: The defining phrase directly modifies 'experience' and should not be separated by a comma.
- 7. Use concise phrasing Original: does not remain such a big challenge anymore Suggested revision: is no longer such a major challenge Why it matters: This replacement expresses the change more directly and naturally.
- 8. Use correct complement Original: the dilemma to decide Suggested revision: the dilemma of deciding Why it matters: The noun 'dilemma' is naturally followed by 'of' plus a gerund here.
- 9. Use standard expression Original: take a year break Suggested revision: take a gap year Why it matters: 'Take a gap year' is the conventional expression for pausing before further study.
- 10. Choose natural wording Original: staying away from bad companies and bad habits Suggested revision: avoiding bad company and harmful habits Why it matters: 'Bad company' naturally refers to harmful social influences, while 'harmful' is more precise for habits.
- 11. Use direct signposting Original: Here, I will also outline Suggested revision: I will also discuss Why it matters: The replacement removes the unnecessary location adverb and uses a more natural academic verb.
- 12. Use precise wording Original: joining the professional world Suggested revision: entering the workforce Why it matters: 'Entering the workforce' is the conventional expression for beginning professional employment.
Suggested Rewrites
- very inexperienced at the same time about inexperienced in
- as well as the professional world Delete
- do not also have also do not have
- acumen, needed acumen needed
- But, once But once
- experience, related to experience related to
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position and covers both parts of the task, with relevant discussion of employment readiness, life choices, and harmful influences. Its main limitation is that several claims are generalized or supported by an unsubstantiated statistic, which reduces the persuasiveness of otherwise coherent development. The priority is to develop fewer challenges more deeply with specific, credible explanation and examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions directly, maintains a clear disagreement, and develops several relevant alternative challenges.
Develop each major challenge with more credible, specific support instead of relying on broad claims or an unexplained statistic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Reduce repetition of school-leavers and use referencing more naturally to make links between sentences less conspicuous.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic vocabulary conveys ideas precisely, although several collocations sound awkward or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as bad companies and take a year break with more natural, context-appropriate collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally good control, despite occasional punctuation and phrasing errors.
Improve control of commas and prepositions, especially around embedded phrases and participial modifiers.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.