Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?
Sample Response
The unemployment rate among young people who have recently left schoolyoungsters who have recently finished school is a major concern in many countries. In my view, finding the first job is a formidable challengeherculean task, and perhaps the most challengingthe most challenging perhaps, for such youngsters just after their leaving schoolschool graduation. As a result, many of them remain unemployed. I therefore agreeSo I agree with the opinion offered. To begin with, the modern job marketpool is extremely competitive. Employers are looking for candidates with a recognised qualificationrenowned diploma as well as considerable experience. Thus, just a school certificate and some training courses cannot guarantee employment for school-leaversemployment for adolescents in most countries. This is why unemployment is still the biggest problem that recent school-leaversfresh school graduates have to face. To illustrate, more than 66% of school-leavers in many regions of the subcontinentsubcontinent regions remain unemployed because they are not eligible to apply for better jobs and due to the lack of suitable jobs for them in the job market. Besides unemployment, school-leavers often face pressure from their familiesschool-leavers often face family pressure and financial hardshipmoney insufficiency that they cannot avoid. According to the research conducted by the Bureau of Statistics, one of the major social issues for fresh school leavers is the expectation that they support their familiesis the expectations from their family to support them, especially in low-income familiesneedy families. The research reveals that such youngsters are willingyoungsters were ready to work extra hours or find a less suitablenot-so-suitable part-time job just to support their families. But getting a decent job was tremendously challenging. In conclusion, youngsters face several difficulties after completing their school educationafter they complete school education, such as family pressure and the shortage of money. However, the most challenging task for them, in my opinion, is finding their first stable job.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay’s strongest feature is its clear and sustained agreement that finding a first stable job is the greatest challenge, supported by relevant labour-market reasoning. Its main limitation is that the other challenges are less distinctly developed and remain closely tied to unemployment, while the single-block presentation weakens organisation. Prioritise separating the response into focused paragraphs and explaining one independent challenge, such as family expectations, in greater depth.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions, maintains a clear position, and supports unemployment with relevant explanation, although the additional challenges receive less independent development.
Explain how family pressure affects school-leavers even apart from joblessness, using a distinct consequence or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move logically from the position to employment barriers, other pressures, and the conclusion, but the entire response is presented as one paragraph.
Create separate introduction, unemployment, other-challenges, and conclusion paragraphs, each with a clear controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a reasonably broad range of employment-related vocabulary, though several collocations such as “job pool” and “money insufficiency” are unnatural.
Use precise alternatives such as “job market,” “financial hardship,” “recognised qualification,” and “school graduation.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with generally good control, while occasional agreement, comparison, and clause-linking errors remain.
Revise sentences containing mixed structures, especially “because they are not eligible... and due to” and “one of the major social issues... is the expectations.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.