Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?
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Sample Response
It is believed that the quality of the food that are served in western countries are getting worse these days, as well as the people's dietary pattern. Many people think that these western countries should change their diets to healthier oneschange their diets into a healthier one, and the following essay will discuss this in detaildiscuss it in details. For a number of reasons, the food consumedthe foods that are consumed by western people are considered unhealthyare considered as unhealthy nowadays. Firstly, it is because most of the crops that are produced in western countries are using chemical fertilisers, such as pesticide or urea. Farmers use these chemicalsFarmers are using these chemical ingredients to ensure that their crops have high yieldsto ensure that their crops are productive and resistant to pests. Many people do not notice that these items can have serious effects on their healthcould have a serious effect on their health. Secondly, many western people prefer to purchase processed meats these days becauseprocessed meats these days, because these canned foods have a longer shelf lifehave a longer expiry date. These foods containThese foods are using some additivessome kind of additives that could cause cancer or tumourscould trigger cancer or tumour. Many people also believe that the dietary pattern of the western people is getting worse these days. As people get busier, they have lesslesser time to prepare healthy food. As a consequence, they prefer to purchase convenienceinstant foods such as McDonald'sMc Donald or Kentucky Friedfried Chicken, which contain high levels of cholesterolhigh cholesterol ingredients. Moreover, most of themAnd then, most of them habitually drink soda and liquorhave a habit of consuming soda and liquor. They do not realise that these beverages contain a large amount of sugara high portion of sugar which is dangerous for the human's body. In my opinion, I do agree that many western people are consuming unhealthy food and have a bad dietary pattern, though some of them choose to be more selective. I think the government should provide some solutions to resolve the issue. One of them might be by giving some rewards and incentives to farmers who choose to plant organic foods. Then, the government should also set some standards for fast food restaurants, to ensure that the food that served by them are healthy and safe.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear opinion that Western diets are unhealthy and proposes relevant government action through organic-farming incentives and restaurant standards. Its strongest feature is the range of dietary examples, from processed food to sugary drinks. The main limitation is uneven development and weak organisation: claims about fertilisers and disease are oversimplified, and the entire essay forms one paragraph. Prioritise building two focused, evidence-based body paragraphs and adding a concise conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The writer states a clear opinion, identifies several unhealthy dietary patterns, and proposes relevant solutions, but some causal claims are oversimplified.
Develop the strongest claims with accurate explanations of nutritional risk and show precisely how each proposed policy would improve diets.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable sequence from food production to eating habits and solutions, but one continuous paragraph and repetitive linking weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for food-quality concerns, consumer habits, and government solutions, followed by a brief conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary covers food production, diet, and regulation, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms limit precision and naturalness.
Use natural phrases such as ‘processed food’, ‘high in sugar’, ‘less time’, ‘healthier diets’, and ‘grow organic produce’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The main meaning is generally clear, but frequent errors occur in agreement, articles, comparatives, passive structures, and relative clauses.
Practise subject-verb agreement and controlled passive forms, especially ‘food that is served’ and ‘crops grown with chemical fertilisers’.