Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
It is believed that the quality of the food that are served in western countries are getting worse these days, as well as the people's dietary pattern. Many people think that these western countries should change their diets into a healthier one, and the following essay will discuss it in details. For a number of reasons, the foods that are consumed by western people are considered as unhealthy nowadays. Firstly, it is because most of the crops that are produced in western countries are using chemical fertilisers, such as pesticide or urea. Farmers are using these chemical ingredients to ensure that their crops are productive and resistant to pests. Many people do not notice that these items could have a serious effect on their health. Secondly, many western people prefer to purchase processed meats these days, because these canned foods have a longer expiry date. These foods are using some kind of additives that could trigger cancer or tumour. Many people also believe that the dietary pattern of the western people is getting worse these days. As people get busier, they have lesser time to prepare healthy food. As a consequence, they prefer to purchase instant foods such as Mc Donald or Kentucky fried Chicken, which contain high cholesterol ingredients. And then, most of them have a habit of consuming soda and liquor. They do not realise that these beverages contain a high portion of sugar which is dangerous for the human's body. In my opinion, I do agree that many western people are consuming unhealthy food and have a bad dietary pattern, though some of them choose to be more selective. I think the government should provide some solutions to resolve the issue. One of them might be by giving some rewards and incentives to farmers who choose to plant organic foods. Then, the government should also set some standards for fast food restaurants, to ensure that the food that served by them are healthy and safe.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match plural nouns Original: change their diets into a healthier one Suggested revision: change their diets to healthier ones Why it matters: The plural possessive 'their diets' requires the plural replacement 'ones'.
- 2. Use fixed expression Original: discuss it in details Suggested revision: discuss this in detail Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'in detail', and 'this' refers clearly to the issue.
- 3. Use uncountable food Original: the foods that are consumed Suggested revision: the food consumed Why it matters: 'Food' is normally uncountable when referring generally to what people eat.
- 4. Remove unnecessary preposition Original: are considered as unhealthy Suggested revision: are considered unhealthy Why it matters: 'Considered' takes an adjective complement without 'as'.
- 5. Use simple present Original: Farmers are using these chemical ingredients Suggested revision: Farmers use these chemicals Why it matters: The simple present describes a general practice, and 'chemicals' is the natural noun here.
- 6. Use precise crop term Original: to ensure that their crops are productive Suggested revision: to ensure that their crops have high yields Why it matters: Crops have high yields rather than being described as productive.
- 7. Use general present effect Original: could have a serious effect on their health Suggested revision: can have serious effects on their health Why it matters: 'Can' suits a general possibility, and the plural 'effects' covers multiple health consequences.
- 8. Remove unnecessary comma Original: processed meats these days, because Suggested revision: processed meats these days because Why it matters: A comma should not separate the main clause from this essential reason clause.
- 9. Use natural food term Original: have a longer expiry date Suggested revision: have a longer shelf life Why it matters: 'Shelf life' is the standard term for how long food remains usable.
- 10. Correct the passive meaning Original: These foods are using Suggested revision: These foods contain Why it matters: Foods contain additives; they do not actively use them.
- 11. Fix number agreement Original: some kind of additives Suggested revision: some additives Why it matters: The singular phrase 'kind of' does not agree with the plural noun 'additives'.
- 12. Use natural health phrasing Original: could trigger cancer or tumour Suggested revision: could cause cancer or tumours Why it matters: 'Cause' is the natural verb here, and 'tumours' should be plural in a general statement.
Suggested Rewrites
- change their diets into a healthier one change their diets to healthier ones
- discuss it in details discuss this in detail
- the foods that are consumed the food consumed
- are considered as unhealthy are considered unhealthy
- Farmers are using these chemical ingredients Farmers use these chemicals
- to ensure that their crops are productive to ensure that their crops have high yields
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear opinion that Western diets are unhealthy and proposes relevant government action through organic-farming incentives and restaurant standards. Its strongest feature is the range of dietary examples, from processed food to sugary drinks. The main limitation is uneven development and weak organisation: claims about fertilisers and disease are oversimplified, and the entire essay forms one paragraph. Prioritise building two focused, evidence-based body paragraphs and adding a concise conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The writer states a clear opinion, identifies several unhealthy dietary patterns, and proposes relevant solutions, but some causal claims are oversimplified.
Develop the strongest claims with accurate explanations of nutritional risk and show precisely how each proposed policy would improve diets.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable sequence from food production to eating habits and solutions, but one continuous paragraph and repetitive linking weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for food-quality concerns, consumer habits, and government solutions, followed by a brief conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary covers food production, diet, and regulation, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms limit precision and naturalness.
Use natural phrases such as ‘processed food’, ‘high in sugar’, ‘less time’, ‘healthier diets’, and ‘grow organic produce’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The main meaning is generally clear, but frequent errors occur in agreement, articles, comparatives, passive structures, and relative clauses.
Practise subject-verb agreement and controlled passive forms, especially ‘food that is served’ and ‘crops grown with chemical fertilisers’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.