Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
The issue of unhealthy food in western countries has become a serious concernan inevitable issue because it influences people's dietsfor people that influence people’s diet. Moreover, some researchers recommend that those people changerecommend those people to change their diets. I personally agree with these views.
I believe that unhealthy diets in western countries are caused byunhealthy food in western countries is affected by the use of technology in producing food that mostly focusesconcerns on product quantitythe quantity of the products as well as production speedtime efficiency but ignores food qualitythe quality aspect. As a result, there are various kinds of junk food and convenienceinstant food served in many restaurantsprovided in several restaurants that obviously lack nutrients and vitaminslack the nutrients as well as vitamins. Moreover, the use of technology in producing food sometimes endangers people because food factories tendthe food factory tends to add chemical substances to foodadd chemical substance inside of the food instead of natural substances. Moreover, the media, through television and print,media, through TV and printed media, play an important roleplay important role in persuadingpersuading as well as convincing people to buy those unhealthy foods.
On the other hand, some researchers recommend people in western countries to change their diets from modern to traditional foodchange the diet from modern food into traditional food that naturally contains manymuch nutrients, vitamins, minerals and calories. I believe that changing the diets will help people avoidmake people be avoided from dangerous substances that affect their healththe dangerous substance that influence the health. Moreover, even though people use the technology to produce as well as modify food production but by considering the importance of healthy diets people will use it effectively and safely.
In short, people in western countries are provoked by media as well as the technology use in food production that probably add chemical substance inside the food. By considering these factors, people should change their diets to traditional foodpeople should change the diets into the traditional food that is more natural as well as healthier.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a clear agreement position and follows a sensible cause-and-solution structure, linking unhealthy diets to industrial food production and media influence before recommending more natural alternatives. Its main limitation is that the claims remain broad and repetitive, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. Develop each cause with a concrete example or consequence and proofread agreement, articles, and natural food-related phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the opinion question directly, sustains agreement, and gives relevant reasons and a proposed dietary change, though the ideas are general and only partly developed.
Support the technology and advertising claims with specific examples and explain exactly how the proposed dietary changes would improve health.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphs move from the position to causes, recommendations, and a conclusion, but repeated connectors and some weakly linked claims make progression mechanical.
Give each body paragraph one central purpose and replace repeated use of moreover with more precise cause, result, or contrast links.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for diet, production, advertising, and health, but recurring unnatural collocations and imprecise noun choices reduce clarity.
Use natural phrases such as food production prioritises quantity, processed food, food manufacturers, chemical additives, advertising, and a nutrient-rich diet.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of clauses is attempted, but subject-verb agreement, articles, countable-noun forms, prepositions, and passive constructions show frequent errors.
Check agreement and noun number sentence by sentence, and simplify passive or contrast structures that cannot be controlled accurately.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.