Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
The issue of unhealthy food in western countries has become an inevitable issue for people that influence people’s diet. Moreover, some researchers recommend those people to change their diets. I personally agree with these views.
I believe that unhealthy food in western countries is affected by the use of technology in producing food that mostly concerns on the quantity of the products as well as time efficiency but ignores the quality aspect. As a result, there are various kinds of junk food and instant food provided in several restaurants that obviously lack the nutrients as well as vitamins. Moreover, the use of technology in producing food sometimes endangers people because the food factory tends to add chemical substance inside of the food instead of natural substances. Moreover, media, through TV and printed media, play important role in persuading as well as convincing people to buy those unhealthy foods.
On the other hand, some researchers recommend people in western countries to change the diet from modern food into traditional food that naturally contains much nutrients, vitamins, minerals and calories. I believe that changing the diets will make people be avoided from the dangerous substance that influence the health. Moreover, even though people use the technology to produce as well as modify food production but by considering the importance of healthy diets people will use it effectively and safely.
In short, people in western countries are provoked by media as well as the technology use in food production that probably add chemical substance inside the food. By considering these factors, people should change the diets into the traditional food that is more natural as well as healthier.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use appropriate concern phrase Original: an inevitable issue Suggested revision: a serious concern Why it matters: Inevitable describes something unavoidable rather than the seriousness of a problem.
- 2. Fix clause relationship Original: for people that influence people’s diet Suggested revision: because it influences people's diets Why it matters: The revision gives the issue a clear pronoun subject and expresses the causal relationship.
- 3. Use recommend clause Original: recommend those people to change Suggested revision: recommend that those people change Why it matters: Recommend is followed by a that-clause rather than an object plus infinitive.
- 4. Clarify cause structure Original: unhealthy food in western countries is affected by Suggested revision: unhealthy diets in western countries are caused by Why it matters: The revision correctly states that technology causes unhealthy diets rather than affects food.
- 5. Use focus collocation Original: concerns Suggested revision: focuses Why it matters: Focuses on is the correct collocation for prioritising an aspect.
- 6. Use concise quantity phrase Original: the quantity of the products Suggested revision: product quantity Why it matters: The compact noun phrase expresses the production priority more naturally.
- 7. Use production speed Original: time efficiency Suggested revision: production speed Why it matters: Production speed clearly conveys the intended concern with making food quickly.
- 8. Name food quality directly Original: the quality aspect Suggested revision: food quality Why it matters: Food quality is more direct and precise than the vague phrase quality aspect.
- 9. Use natural food category Original: instant Suggested revision: convenience Why it matters: Convenience food is the standard term for quickly prepared commercial food.
- 10. Use restaurant verb Original: provided in several restaurants Suggested revision: served in many restaurants Why it matters: Food is served rather than provided in restaurants.
- 11. Remove unnecessary articles Original: lack the nutrients as well as vitamins Suggested revision: lack nutrients and vitamins Why it matters: The general plural nouns do not require the definite article.
- 12. Use plural factories Original: the food factory tends Suggested revision: food factories tend Why it matters: The general claim refers to factories collectively and requires a plural verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- an inevitable issue a serious concern
- for people that influence people’s diet because it influences people's diets
- recommend those people to change recommend that those people change
- unhealthy food in western countries is affected by unhealthy diets in western countries are caused by
- concerns focuses
- the quantity of the products product quantity
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a clear agreement position and follows a sensible cause-and-solution structure, linking unhealthy diets to industrial food production and media influence before recommending more natural alternatives. Its main limitation is that the claims remain broad and repetitive, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. Develop each cause with a concrete example or consequence and proofread agreement, articles, and natural food-related phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the opinion question directly, sustains agreement, and gives relevant reasons and a proposed dietary change, though the ideas are general and only partly developed.
Support the technology and advertising claims with specific examples and explain exactly how the proposed dietary changes would improve health.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphs move from the position to causes, recommendations, and a conclusion, but repeated connectors and some weakly linked claims make progression mechanical.
Give each body paragraph one central purpose and replace repeated use of moreover with more precise cause, result, or contrast links.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for diet, production, advertising, and health, but recurring unnatural collocations and imprecise noun choices reduce clarity.
Use natural phrases such as food production prioritises quantity, processed food, food manufacturers, chemical additives, advertising, and a nutrient-rich diet.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of clauses is attempted, but subject-verb agreement, articles, countable-noun forms, prepositions, and passive constructions show frequent errors.
Check agreement and noun number sentence by sentence, and simplify passive or contrast structures that cannot be controlled accurately.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.