Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
In recent days, people argue that Western people have a sedentary life because of consuming unhealthy food and having a bad diet habit. Some assert that they must alter their lifestyle in order to keep fit in daily life. From my point of view, having a bad diet is one of the main factors because I believe that there are others factors involved in this case. Therefore, this essay will look into the reasons with some considerations.
Firstly, it is true that to have a healthy life Western people should change their bad diet. As far as I know that the fashionable trend in Western people is eating fast food or junk food. Therefore, they have to consume fresh fruits and vegetables. They should stop consuming the frozen foods even stop drinking soda or alcohol. They should change to consume more foods which are full of nutrition and vitamins. As a result, they will have a healthy lifestyle.
Secondly, one of other factors is that western people are hard workers, thus they have no time to do exercises to keep their healthy. What I believe is that it is not enough for them if they only change they daily diet, but they should manage their time to do some sporting activities. For instance, they can spend their weekends by going to a fitness centre. The sedentary lifestyle caused by the lack of time to relax their body. The fact shows that they just have monotonous activities which are staying in the workplace and consuming instant foods. There is no time for them to cook by their own. Therefore, I personally believe that Western people should be able to manage their time wisely.
To sum up, the reasons why Western people's health condition is getting worse not only because of having a bad diet, but it was also affected by having no good time management. As the result, they should alter their food consumption and provide time to do sporting activities, thus they can create; life balance and stay healthy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: keep fit in daily life Suggested revision: stay healthy Why it matters: ‘Stay healthy’ expresses the intended meaning more naturally.
- 2. Correct the determiner Original: others Suggested revision: other Why it matters: ‘Other’ must be used before the plural noun ‘factors’.
- 3. Improve the collocation Original: have Suggested revision: lead Why it matters: English conventionally uses ‘lead’ with ‘a healthy life’.
- 4. Remove the extra conjunction Original: As far as I know that Suggested revision: As far as I know, Why it matters: The introductory phrase takes a comma and should not be followed by ‘that’.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: fashionable trend in Western people Suggested revision: common trend among Western people Why it matters: ‘Common’ and ‘among’ accurately describe a widespread eating pattern within a group.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: the frozen foods Suggested revision: frozen food Why it matters: ‘Food’ is uncountable when referring to frozen food generally.
- 7. Link the coordinated verbs Original: even stop Suggested revision: and even stop Why it matters: The conjunction is needed to coordinate this action with the preceding one.
- 8. Use the correct pattern Original: change to consume Suggested revision: switch to consuming Why it matters: ‘Switch to’ is followed naturally by a gerund in this context.
- 9. Use accurate word forms Original: foods which are full of nutrition and vitamins Suggested revision: foods rich in nutrients and vitamins Why it matters: Foods contain ‘nutrients’, while ‘nutrition’ refers more broadly to nourishment or diet.
- 10. Correct the noun phrase Original: one of other factors Suggested revision: another factor Why it matters: ‘Another factor’ is the correct phrase for introducing one additional cause.
- 11. Capitalise the proper adjective Original: western Suggested revision: Western Why it matters: ‘Western’ is capitalised when it denotes the cultural or geographical region.
- 12. Correct verb and adjective Original: do exercises to keep their healthy Suggested revision: exercise to stay healthy Why it matters: ‘Exercise’ works as the verb, and ‘healthy’ requires the linking verb ‘stay’.
Suggested Rewrites
- keep fit in daily life stay healthy
- others other
- have lead
- As far as I know that As far as I know,
- fashionable trend in Western people common trend among Western people
- the frozen foods frozen food
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a consistent opinion and follows a clear paragraph structure, addressing dietary change while adding exercise and time management as related health factors. Its main limitation is that the ideas are somewhat repetitive and based on broad assumptions, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision; the highest-priority improvement is to develop the central argument with specific evidence and edit sentence structures for accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue and maintains a clear view, but its supporting ideas are general and sometimes shift from diet to broader lifestyle causes.
Explain more precisely why Western diets are worsening and support the opinion with a concrete, relevant example rather than broad claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and an understandable progression, though linking devices are repetitive and some logical connections are loose.
Use fewer mechanical transitions and make each sentence develop the preceding claim more directly.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss diet and health, but frequent collocation and word-form problems make expression unnatural.
Learn and use accurate combinations such as balanced diet, nutritious food, exercise regularly, and maintain good health.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts both simple and complex sentences, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, pronouns, and clause construction limit control.
Prioritise complete sentence structures and systematically check subject-verb agreement, possessives, and article use.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.