Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Which point of view do you agree with?
Sample Response
The education is the backbone of a country's future, while a good job is a key factor for a better life. This topic is of particular importance because it affects everyone’s life. This essay will discuss whether the pupils should complete their higher education or to start work after school.
On the one hand, university education is mandatory to get some type of jobs. By this, I mean that people who choose to become a doctor, pharmacist, engineer, pilot etc. are required to complete their degrees before they can be able to get a job because this type of jobs needs specialised knowledge before starting the career. For illustrations, General Medical Council in the UK accepts only doctors who completed their degree and passed some predefined exams to start a career as a doctor. In this instance, obviously, it would be better to complete the required university level degree first.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: The education Suggested revision: Education Why it matters: The abstract noun ‘education’ does not take ‘the’ when used in this general sense.
- 2. Use a precise noun Original: whether the pupils Suggested revision: whether school leavers Why it matters: ‘School leavers’ identifies the people making this education-or-work decision more precisely.
- 3. Make verbs parallel Original: or to start work Suggested revision: or start work Why it matters: After ‘whether’, ‘complete’ and ‘start’ should use parallel verb forms.
- 4. Fix number agreement Original: type Suggested revision: types Why it matters: ‘Some’ refers to multiple types, so both nouns need plural forms here.
- 5. Use parallel plurals Original: a doctor, pharmacist, engineer, pilot etc. Suggested revision: doctors, pharmacists, engineers or pilots Why it matters: The examples should use parallel plural nouns after ‘people who choose to become’.
- 6. Remove modal redundancy Original: before they can be able to get Suggested revision: before they can get Why it matters: ‘Can’ and ‘be able to’ express the same meaning and should not be combined.
- 7. Fix determiner agreement Original: this type of jobs Suggested revision: these types of jobs Why it matters: The singular determiner and noun do not agree with the plural ‘jobs’.
- 8. Match the plural subject Original: before starting the career Suggested revision: before starting their careers Why it matters: The possessive and noun should agree with the plural group of workers.
- 9. Use the correct linker Original: illustrations Suggested revision: example Why it matters: ‘For example’ is the standard phrase for introducing one illustration.
- 10. Add the article Original: General Medical Council in the UK Suggested revision: the General Medical Council in the UK Why it matters: The name of this specific council requires the definite article in this sentence.
- 11. Use consistent tense Original: doctors who completed their degree and passed Suggested revision: doctors who have completed their degrees and passed Why it matters: The present perfect fits completed requirements that determine current eligibility, and ‘degrees’ agrees with plural ‘doctors’.
- 12. Use precise wording Original: is the backbone of a country's future Suggested revision: is fundamental to a country's future Why it matters: ‘Fundamental to’ states the importance of education more directly than the figurative ‘backbone’ phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- The education Education
- whether the pupils whether school leavers
- or to start work or start work
- type types
- a doctor, pharmacist, engineer, pilot etc. doctors, pharmacists, engineers or pilots
- before they can be able to get before they can get
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear explanation of why university qualifications are essential for certain professions, supported by a relevant medical example. However, it is substantially under length, considers only one side, and never establishes a clear overall position on the choice in the question. The priority is to state a direct view and develop it through a complete second main idea and conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response develops one relevant point about degree-dependent careers but does not give a clear overall position or address the work-experience alternative.
State which view you support and develop a complete comparison or second reason before adding a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly within the main paragraph, but the response is incomplete and its two-paragraph structure does not sustain a full argument.
Organise the essay into an introduction, two developed body paragraphs, and a conclusion with clear logical links.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss education and employment, though several combinations such as “some type of jobs” and “For illustrations” are inaccurate.
Use more precise plural forms and natural collocations, especially when introducing examples and describing professional requirements.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the main idea, but recurring article, agreement, and verb-form errors reduce control.
Check articles, singular-plural agreement, and parallel verb forms, particularly in sentences containing relative or subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Which point of view do you agree with?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.