Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?
Sample Response
It is a fact that everyone needs to have a stable career, which depends largely on the qualifications each person achieves. However, some people prefer working as soon as they finish studying at high school in order to enrich experience. This point has many arguments that merit consideration.
Apparently, we draw a wealth of invaluable experience from working. For example: if we work as waiters, we can learn how to serve other people quickly and respond to their requests politely. The chances are that we will improve our counting skills considerably as accountants working for department stores. More importantly, learning working skills helps us to prepare carefully for our career in the long run, because all of them are in great demand from employers. In addition, Lectures at university may turn out to be realistic and more lively with our first hand experience. In particular, you will presumably not find it difficult to understand some technical terms or solve practical problems.
Apart from gaining experience, developing the ability to work efficiently is another significant benefit when we start working after school. That is, we will be trained to be more responsible for our tasks, such as going to work on time. Eventually, we will become more punctual and industrious. Some students often cannot get accustomed to the pressure of work as well as competitive colleagues at the beginning. Therefore, it is advisable for them to look for a chance of experiencing working environment in advance.
Nevertheless, there are comparative disadvantages for young workers. It is unlikely that they will work for big companies on account of their lack of university degrees. Some people may be inadequate to study at some universities because they forget some basic knowledge at high school. These difficulties are avoidable, provided that we put practical experience above salary.
In conclusion, advantages appear to outweigh disadvantages if we choose to work after graduating from high school. Having first hand experience is highly recommended to pave the way for our success in the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: enrich Suggested revision: gain Why it matters: English normally uses 'gain experience' for acquiring practical knowledge.
- 2. Avoid redundant emphasis Original: invaluable Suggested revision: valuable Why it matters: Using both 'wealth' and 'invaluable' creates unnecessary semantic intensification.
- 3. Correct example punctuation Original: For example: Suggested revision: For example, Why it matters: An introductory 'For example' should be followed by a comma here.
- 4. Use precise phrasing Original: The chances are that Suggested revision: It is also likely that Why it matters: This phrasing expresses probability more naturally in the sentence.
- 5. Correct word combination Original: working Suggested revision: workplace Why it matters: 'Workplace skills' is the natural noun phrase for skills used at work.
- 6. Match plural reference Original: career Suggested revision: careers Why it matters: The plural possessive reference 'our' requires the plural noun in this general statement.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: all of them are in great demand from employers Suggested revision: these skills are highly valued by employers Why it matters: The revision removes the unclear pronoun and uses a natural employer-related collocation.
- 8. Use lower case Original: Lectures Suggested revision: lectures Why it matters: A common noun in the middle of a sentence should not be capitalised.
- 9. Choose accurate wording Original: turn out to be realistic Suggested revision: become more practical Why it matters: Lectures can become more practical, whereas 'turn out to be realistic' is unnatural in this context.
- 10. Keep pronouns consistent Original: you Suggested revision: we Why it matters: The essay otherwise develops this example through the first-person plural perspective.
- 11. Clarify workplace pressures Original: the pressure of work as well as competitive colleagues Suggested revision: work pressure and competition from colleagues Why it matters: The original wording incorrectly presents colleagues themselves as a form of pressure.
- 12. Correct noun phrase Original: a chance of experiencing working environment Suggested revision: a chance to experience a working environment Why it matters: Use the infinitive after 'a chance' and add an article before the countable noun phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- enrich gain
- invaluable valuable
- For example: For example,
- The chances are that It is also likely that
- working workplace
- career careers
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear preference for gaining work experience and supports it with several practical examples, giving the argument a generally coherent direction. Its main limitation is uneven task coverage: the case for university education is only briefly acknowledged, and some later claims are unclear or weakly connected. The priority is to compare both routes more directly and develop each supporting point with precise, relevant explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear preference for working after school is presented and supported, but the competing university route receives limited direct evaluation.
Compare the two routes explicitly and develop the disadvantages of early employment with clearer reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in a broadly logical sequence, although some references and links between claims are imprecise.
Use clearer topic sentences and ensure each supporting sentence directly advances its paragraph's central point.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad vocabulary, but awkward collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as 'enrich experience' and 'learning working skills' with natural, context-appropriate collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly despite recurring article, preposition, and construction errors.
Improve control of articles and prepositional patterns, especially in phrases describing study and workplace experience.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.