These days, overpopulation in many urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious problems associated with overpopulation in urban areas, and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Sample Response
Ever since the industrial revolution, people have been migrating to urban centres in droves. Hence, cities have become overcrowded, which in turn has resulted in many hardships for their dwellers. It is opined that high costs of living and rising transport difficulties are two of the most serious problems brought about by overpopulation in cities. To tackle these issues, suburb developments and infrastructural changes will be analysed for viability.
To begin, the costs of living in big cities have reached an exorbitant level in the past few decades due to the ever-growing population density in these areas. One of the ways in which this alarming issue can be addressed is via the development of upscale housing communities on the outskirts of major urban centres. For example, in Karachi, Pakistan, the government has initiated many such projects outside of the metropolitan area, which has helped to curb the high costs of property in the city. As a result, property ownership rates in the city have increased in the last few years, especially by the middle class. Therefore, the plausibility of establishing such housing arrangements can be clearly seen.
In addition, many cities now face the epidemic of regular bumper-to-bumper traffic jams due to the ever-increasing population. A feasible way to counter this issue is the invest in newer modes of transportation, and people should use these alternatives. Take London, for example, where the underground subway system has dramatically eased the traffic congestion in most parts of the city. Thus, the subway system has become the preferred way of travelling for most inhabitants of London. As a result, the number of cars on London’s roads has dramatically shrunk in numbers. Hence, the effectiveness of this suggested solution is obvious.
In conclusion, setting up housing communities outside of city limits and establishing alternative means of transport are effective ways to counter the negative ramifications of overpopulation in cities. It is thus hoped that these strategies are put into practice by governments the world over.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct stance Original: It is opined that Suggested revision: I argue that Why it matters: The direct first-person phrasing is clearer and more natural than the impersonal expression.
- 2. Clarify the problem Original: rising transport difficulties Suggested revision: worsening transport problems Why it matters: This collocation states the transport issue more naturally and precisely.
- 3. Use the adjective form Original: suburb developments Suggested revision: suburban development Why it matters: The adjective “suburban” and uncountable noun “development” form the correct phrase here.
- 4. State the essay purpose Original: will be analysed for viability Suggested revision: will be considered as solutions Why it matters: The replacement describes the essay's purpose more directly and idiomatically.
- 5. Use the fixed phrase Original: costs Suggested revision: cost Why it matters: “Cost of living” is normally an uncountable fixed expression when referring to general expenses.
- 6. Match the intended solution Original: upscale housing communities Suggested revision: new housing developments Why it matters: “New housing developments” expresses the proposed expansion without implying expensive housing.
- 7. Improve the collocation Original: curb the high costs of property Suggested revision: reduce high property costs Why it matters: “Reduce costs” is a more natural collocation than “curb costs” in this context.
- 8. Use the right preposition Original: by Suggested revision: among Why it matters: “Among” correctly identifies the social group within which ownership increased.
- 9. Avoid an overstated metaphor Original: the epidemic of regular bumper-to-bumper traffic jams Suggested revision: the problem of frequent bumper-to-bumper traffic jams Why it matters: “Problem” and “frequent” describe recurring congestion more precisely and naturally.
- 10. Correct the infinitive Original: the Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The complement after “way” requires the infinitive form “to invest.”
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: subway Suggested revision: railway Why it matters: “Underground subway” repeats the same meaning, while “underground railway” is concise.
- 12. Use a natural phrase Original: dramatically shrunk in numbers Suggested revision: fallen dramatically Why it matters: The number of cars “falls” rather than “shrinks in numbers.”
Suggested Rewrites
- It is opined that I argue that
- rising transport difficulties worsening transport problems
- suburb developments suburban development
- will be analysed for viability will be considered as solutions
- costs cost
- upscale housing communities new housing developments
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is especially effective in selecting two clear urban problems and pairing each with a relevant, well-explained solution in a logically organised argument. Its main limitation is that individual action receives only a brief mention, while government-led measures dominate the discussion. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a specific individual responsibility, explain how it works, and connect it directly to one of the identified problems.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses two serious problems with relevant solutions, but the role of individuals is only briefly stated rather than developed.
Develop one concrete individual action and explain how it would help reduce either housing pressure or traffic congestion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly through well-focused paragraphs, although some concluding linkers make the cohesion slightly mechanical.
Reduce repeated result markers such as 'Thus' and 'Hence' by allowing the logical relationships to emerge more naturally.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary supports the argument, with a few awkward or overstated choices such as 'epidemic' and 'shrunk in numbers.'
Prefer natural, exact collocations, for example describing traffic as severe and saying that the number of cars has fallen.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only isolated slips that do not impede meaning.
Proofread carefully for small form errors such as 'is the invest,' which should be 'is to invest.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days, overpopulation in many urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious problems associated with overpopulation in urban areas, and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.