These days, overpopulation in many urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious problems associated with overpopulation in urban areas, and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Sample Response
Overpopulation in cities is a growing concern that governments and individuals have to take into account seriously. They should work together to reduce the cause and the inconveniences caused by it. This essay will examine what are the issues caused by overcrowding in urban areas, and propose possible solutions to these problems.
We can truly affirm that the first issue of overpopulation in cities is traffic congestion that kills valuable time and pollutes the air. When people are stuck on the roads, they are not productive and it adds up to the national loss of millions of dollars each week. It also pollutes the air and causes illness to citizens. Many cities do not have the means to handle the charge of rubbish cast away by their inhabitants which leads to a dirty city environment. The lack of decent accommodation is also a growing problem that cities must deal with. Many people are unable to find a place to live which is a step back for cities’ development.
Fortunately, if we sit down for a few minutes to think about what each of us could do to tackle these problems, it is not hard to find a solution. Individuals should use public transportation as often as they can rather than using their cars and the government should build more roads and improve public transportation to address the issue of traffic jams. The governments can impose a tax on car ownership and develop public transport. To handle the garbage issue, households should sort out the rubbish they throw away. For accommodation problems, the poorest should establish the sharing flats system. The government can expand the city area and can help construct more buildings to handle the accommodation issue.
To conclude, we all know that these problems are worrying and growing but if every one of us thinks about what we can do to make it better. I am sure that these issues could be solved.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: take into account seriously Suggested revision: take seriously Why it matters: ‘Take seriously’ is the natural expression for treating an issue as important.
- 2. Clarify the action Original: reduce the cause Suggested revision: address the causes Why it matters: Problems may have multiple causes, and governments and individuals can address rather than ‘reduce’ them.
- 3. Use precise wording Original: the inconveniences caused by it Suggested revision: the problems it causes Why it matters: ‘Problems’ more accurately reflects the serious urban effects discussed in the essay.
- 4. Remove empty framing Original: We can truly affirm that Suggested revision: It is clear that Why it matters: The revision introduces the claim more concisely without changing its certainty.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: kills Suggested revision: wastes Why it matters: Time is conventionally described as being ‘wasted’, not ‘killed’, in formal prose.
- 6. Clarify the economic effect Original: it adds up to the national loss Suggested revision: this contributes to national losses Why it matters: ‘Contributes to losses’ expresses the cumulative economic effect more naturally.
- 7. Correct preposition Original: causes illness to citizens Suggested revision: causes illness among residents Why it matters: Illness occurs ‘among’ a population rather than being caused ‘to’ people.
- 8. Add clause comma Original: a place to live which Suggested revision: a place to live, which Why it matters: The following clause comments on the whole situation and therefore needs a comma.
- 9. Use concise collocation Original: a step back for cities’ development Suggested revision: a setback for urban development Why it matters: ‘A setback for urban development’ is the natural and concise expression.
- 10. Use direct wording Original: sit down for a few minutes to think about Suggested revision: consider Why it matters: The single verb states the reflective action without conversational padding.
- 11. Match multiple problems Original: find a solution Suggested revision: find solutions Why it matters: The preceding plural ‘problems’ calls for plural solutions.
- 12. Separate independent clauses Original: their cars and the government Suggested revision: their cars, and the government Why it matters: A comma is required before ‘and’ because it joins two independent clauses.
Suggested Rewrites
- take into account seriously take seriously
- reduce the cause address the causes
- the inconveniences caused by it the problems it causes
- We can truly affirm that It is clear that
- kills wastes
- it adds up to the national loss this contributes to national losses
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both problems and responses, offering relevant action by governments and individuals and maintaining a clear problem-solution structure. Its main weakness is uneven development: traffic receives useful explanation, while waste and housing points are brief, sometimes vague, and occasionally impractical. The strongest improvement would be to select two problems and explain a realistic, clearly matched solution for each with more precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response covers serious urban problems and proposes action by both governments and individuals, but several ideas are briefly developed or insufficiently convincing.
Focus on two problems and show precisely how one realistic government measure and one individual action would reduce each problem.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a clear introduction, problems, solutions, and conclusion sequence, though long body paragraphs group several ideas and some links are repetitive.
Pair each problem directly with its solution in focused paragraphs and use referencing to make the relationships between ideas more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations such as 'charge of rubbish' and 'sharing flats system' sometimes reduce precision.
Choose conventional phrases such as 'volume of waste', 'flat-sharing schemes', and 'expand affordable housing' to express solutions accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms and is generally clear, but recurring article, agreement, punctuation, and clause-completion errors limit control.
Check every complex sentence for a complete main clause and edit agreement and article errors before submitting.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
These days, overpopulation in many urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious problems associated with overpopulation in urban areas, and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.