Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this viewpoint and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Vegetarians tend to avoid consuming meat and fish on the purpose of keeping body health and concerning on environmental issue. Both purposes will be discussed in this essay as well as provide several convincing explanations.
Vegetarians tend to consider health factors to stop consuming meat and fish because those kinds of food sources affect the blood tension of those who suffer from chronic disease such as cancer, obesity, etc. Other reasons from a health point of view of people become vegetarian because they need to lose weight or to have a better body shape. Moreover, choosing to consume vegetables rather than meat or fish becomes a trend to keep the body healthy.
On the other hand, being a vegetarian is one of the ways to protest the policy of the government or criminal action against environmental issues such as cruel animal slaughtering, fish-bombing, etc. Moreover, being vegetarian is believed as the best solution for keeping the balance of the ecosystem among humans and animals.
However, another reason not to eat meat or fish is related to ethical concern on how there are several values or rules in a certain community that forbid to eat both food sources. They believe that animals are just like the human being that should be respected as well as conserve their lives.
To conclude, vegetarians who consider health issues and environmental issues, as well as ethical concern, have their own reasons. In addition, both views are merely positive to keep the body health individually as well as to conserve the sustainability of animal lives globally.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix preposition phrase Original: on the purpose of Suggested revision: for the purpose of Why it matters: For the purpose of is the correct fixed expression.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: keeping body health Suggested revision: maintaining good health Why it matters: Maintaining good health is the standard English collocation.
- 3. Fix clause structure Original: concerning on Suggested revision: because of concerns about Why it matters: The revision correctly introduces the environmental reason.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: environmental issue Suggested revision: environmental issues Why it matters: The general category requires the plural form issues.
- 5. Clarify the decision Original: health factors to stop consuming Suggested revision: health considerations when deciding to stop consuming Why it matters: The revision makes the relationship between health and the dietary decision clear.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: those kinds of food sources Suggested revision: those types of food Why it matters: Food is sufficient here because meat and fish have already been identified.
- 7. Correct medical term Original: the blood tension Suggested revision: blood pressure Why it matters: Blood pressure is the standard term for the intended health measure.
- 8. Use plural form Original: chronic disease Suggested revision: chronic diseases Why it matters: The following examples refer to more than one condition.
- 9. Close the example list Original: such as cancer, obesity, etc. Suggested revision: such as cancer and obesity Why it matters: And completes the short list without the unnecessary combination of examples and etc.
- 10. Repair noun phrase Original: Other reasons from a health point of view of people become vegetarian Suggested revision: Another health-related reason people become vegetarians Why it matters: The revision supplies a grammatical subject phrase and the correct plural complement.
- 11. Use precise wording Original: to have a better body shape Suggested revision: to achieve a preferred body shape Why it matters: Preferred is more precise than the subjective and vague word better.
- 12. Use present perfect Original: becomes a trend Suggested revision: has become a trend Why it matters: The present perfect describes a trend that developed and remains current.
Suggested Rewrites
- on the purpose of for the purpose of
- keeping body health maintaining good health
- concerning on because of concerns about
- environmental issue environmental issues
- health factors to stop consuming health considerations when deciding to stop consuming
- those kinds of food sources those types of food
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a recognizable structure and covers health, environmental, and ethical reasons for vegetarianism, so its general direction remains understandable. However, the writer's own opinion is not stated clearly, and several claims are vague, inaccurate, or only briefly explained. The highest-priority improvement is to present an explicit position and support each main reason with a logically developed explanation and a credible example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response discusses several reasons for avoiding meat and fish, but the writer's opinion is unclear and key ideas are insufficiently or confusingly developed.
State a direct personal position and develop each claimed health or global benefit with accurate reasoning and specific support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence is easy to follow and each body paragraph has a broad focus, though connections within ideas are sometimes mechanical or unclear.
Build each paragraph around one clear claim followed by explanation and evidence, using transitions that express the exact logical relationship.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent word-choice and collocation problems make several claims imprecise.
Replace unnatural phrases such as body health and blood tension with accurate, conventional health and environmental vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but frequent errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause construction reduce control.
Edit sentence by sentence for verb patterns and noun phrases, especially constructions following reasons, concerns, and rules.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this viewpoint and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.