Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
In the prevailing scenario, crimes are drastically increased all over the world, this is due to people valued for money rather than the values and relations. According to me, youngsters are not getting enough support from their parents as well as from the teachers, whereas some adolescents attracted to the bad habits through their friends. To begin with, in this contemporary world, both the parents need to work to get an economical status in the society. So, they don't have time to check and teach their kids how to behave in the society. For instance, in the US, most of the people are doing jobs by leaving their children in the baby care centres and they don't have time to spend with them. Because of that absurd behaviours can be observed among teens and they don't understand the moral values. Moreover, teachers’ role is very important in a child's life. They are the key persons in building a society. But nowadays, they are merely teaching the subjects like Mathematics, Science and languages. They have to teach not only academic lessons which are useful for the future career of students but also the social and emotional qualities need to improve in a child. For example, in the developed countries, children are not respecting their teachers. I recently read a news article about a child; the child went to school with a gun and shoot a couple of his classmates and a teacher and then he shot himself and died. However, adolescents also are getting attracted to their friends without any knowledge of the moral values. They don't understand what is right and what is wrong. So, they are getting addicted to bad habits like drugs, smoking and spoiling their lives. In fact, during my secondary education, a person had a habit of smoking, and he encouraged other persons and some people learnt that habit. Sometimes without their knowledge, they get addicted to other people's bad habits. In conclusion, children need to get an emotional bond with the parents. In my opinion, grownups should have the social values from their parents and teachers, however, sometimes, they need to know on their own to make decisions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use academic stance phrase Original: According to me Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: ‘In my view’ is a more natural phrase for presenting a personal position.
- 2. Remove unnecessary articles Original: as well as from the teachers Suggested revision: or their teachers Why it matters: The possessive determiner identifies the relevant teachers more naturally.
- 3. Add passive auxiliary Original: some adolescents attracted Suggested revision: some adolescents are attracted Why it matters: The passive form requires the auxiliary verb ‘are’.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: to the bad habits Suggested revision: to bad habits Why it matters: ‘Bad habits’ is used generally here and does not take ‘the’.
- 5. Use influence preposition Original: through Suggested revision: by Why it matters: ‘By’ correctly identifies friends as the source of the influence.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: both the parents Suggested revision: both parents Why it matters: The general plural phrase ‘both parents’ does not require ‘the’.
- 7. Correct adjective choice Original: an economical status Suggested revision: economic security Why it matters: ‘Economic’ concerns finances, whereas ‘economical’ means inexpensive.
- 8. Use precise formal verbs Original: check and teach their kids Suggested revision: supervise and teach their children Why it matters: ‘Supervise’ states the parental responsibility more precisely than ‘check’.
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: most of the people Suggested revision: most people Why it matters: A general reference to people uses ‘most people’ without ‘of the’.
- 10. Use natural verb Original: are doing jobs Suggested revision: work Why it matters: ‘Work’ is the natural concise verb for being employed.
- 11. Fix clause relationship Original: by Suggested revision: while Why it matters: ‘While’ shows that working and leaving the children in care occur at the same time.
- 12. Use standard term Original: baby care centres Suggested revision: childcare centres Why it matters: ‘Childcare centres’ is the standard term for facilities that look after children.
Suggested Rewrites
- According to me In my view
- as well as from the teachers or their teachers
- some adolescents attracted some adolescents are attracted
- to the bad habits to bad habits
- through by
- both the parents both parents
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers several relevant causes and illustrates the roles of parents, teachers, and peers, so its central message remains understandable. However, its position on the stated claim is only partly clear, development sometimes drifts from violent crime to general bad habits, and the lack of paragraphing weakens progression. Prioritise a precise extent statement, organise each cause in a separate paragraph, and connect every example explicitly to youth violence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the claim and presents relevant ideas, but its degree of agreement is imprecise and some support concerns misconduct rather than violent crime.
State the extent of agreement explicitly and ensure every supporting example demonstrates a cause of violent offending by young people.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly recognisable sequence, but the response is presented as one long paragraph and linking is often mechanical.
Separate the introduction, each main cause, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations and repetition reduce precision.
Use more natural combinations for employment, behaviour, social values, and peer influence while reducing repeated general nouns.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but frequent errors in tense, agreement, articles, and clause construction weaken control.
Practise constructing complete complex sentences and systematically check verb forms, agreement, and articles during revision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.