Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It appears that the youth crime rate worldwidecrime rate in the modern world is increasing at an alarming rate. Although there may be many factors causing this issue, it is perceivable that the absence of suitable education provided by parents and teachers are the major problems behind this circumstance. This position will thus be analysed in the following paragraphs, supported by relevant examples.
Firstly, parents' growing work commitmentsparents' increasing occupational commitments have limited their opportunities to educate children on moral qualities. The current economic conditions in societycurrent economic condition of the contemporary society requires parents to spend more time at work. This has consequently reduced interactioncreated fewer interactions between children and parents, precluding youngsters from learning basic emotional qualitiesaspects such as love and affection from adults. An exemplary case can be seen from my cousin, who barely hasgets a chance to learn about an appropriate way to speaka specific manner to talk to strangers or elderly people. Hence, it seems that this situationsuch reality has prevented him from developingdisabled him to possess an ethical mindset, which might cause behavioural problems outside the home in the future.
Secondly, the modern education system forces students to pursueenforces students to obtain measurabletangible achievements, rather than ethical developmentperspectives. For instance, there was a girl in my high school who performed well academically. Although she frequently offended other classmates' feelings with offensive languagewith foul words, she was consistentlycontinuously favoured by teachers because of her good grades. It is personally felt that such an inappropriate teaching motives of the teachers have left many students to focus on achieving material accomplishments, regardless of how badly one behaves.
In conclusion, the two arguments abovetwo aforementioned ideas clearly encapsulate how the lack of sound ethical guidancesolid and ethical supervisions by adults leadsleaves children to develop problematic thoughts and behaviour.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and uses a well-defined two-part structure to examine parental absence and school priorities. Its main limitation is that the examples concern manners and verbal misconduct more than violent crime, so the central causal link remains only partly demonstrated; recurring unnatural word choices also weaken precision. The highest priority is to connect each example explicitly to serious offending and support that progression with plausible explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear degree of agreement is sustained and both parents and teachers are discussed, but the evidence does not convincingly bridge poor social learning and violent crime.
Explain the stages by which inadequate emotional guidance could escalate into violent offending and use examples that demonstrate that specific outcome.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through an introduction, two focused body paragraphs and a concise conclusion, with generally effective linking.
Strengthen cohesion within each body paragraph by making the relationship between the illustrative behaviour and the crime claim explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad academic vocabulary, but recurrent unnatural collocations and inaccurate word choices reduce precision and flexibility.
Prefer natural expressions such as moral guidance, meaningful interaction, academic achievement and inadequate adult supervision over forced abstractions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is used and meaning remains clear, though agreement, article, number and verb-pattern errors recur.
Check subject-verb agreement and verb complementation carefully, especially structures such as the absence is, forces students to and prevents him from developing.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.