Some people believe women are better leaders than men. To which extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people, nowadays, generally claim that females are good at taking up leadership positions as opposed to males. In my opinion, I partially concur with this point of view because both sexes have what they do better in terms of being in charge, as will be discussed in this essay.
Firstly, the idea of women being regarded as men unequal is far and gone now. Women empowerment is on the minds of citizens contemporarily. Therefore, some folks think that women are better at being in authority than men. I opine that, even though there might be some areas in leadership where they might perform exceptionally well, we cannot measure the magnitude of their performances, hence, we cannot generalise that men are the worst leaders. For instance, some women who are in authority show compassion to their subordinates. Females are generally known to be tender and kind towards others. However, these qualities could not justify this belief.
Nonetheless, men cannot be generally considered the best leaders in society. That is, they might also possess some good characteristics in managing a firm or ruling a country, however, they may fall short in some aspects of these as well. For example, males are universally thought to be courageous and fearless and will make some risky decisions that could help a company succeed quickly, notwithstanding, some lack the attributes that females possess. In view of this, I strongly believe that both genders cannot be regarded as outstanding bosses over others.
In conclusion, one should exhibit all the leadership position traits before that person could be considered an extraordinary leader, I opine, both sexes have some of these traits, but not all. Therefore, I partially agree with the opinion that women are better commanders than men.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove interrupting commas Original: people, nowadays, generally Suggested revision: people nowadays generally Why it matters: The adverb does not need to be isolated by commas here.
- 2. Use natural noun Original: females Suggested revision: women Why it matters: Women is more natural and appropriate when referring to people in this context.
- 3. Make comparison direct Original: are good at taking up leadership positions as opposed to males Suggested revision: are better leaders than men Why it matters: This wording expresses the comparison more directly and naturally.
- 4. Clarify comparative phrase Original: what they do better Suggested revision: areas in which they perform better Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a clear noun for the areas being compared.
- 5. Remove formulaic preview Original: , as will be discussed in this essay Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The sentence already states the essay's position, so this preview adds no useful connection.
- 6. Fix comparison grammar Original: men unequal Suggested revision: unequal to men Why it matters: Unequal requires the preposition to when the comparison is stated this way.
- 7. Correct fixed expression Original: far and gone Suggested revision: long gone Why it matters: Long gone is the standard expression for an idea that is no longer accepted.
- 8. Use possessive form Original: Women Suggested revision: Women's Why it matters: The possessive noun form is required in this established phrase.
- 9. Use natural phrasing Original: on the minds of citizens contemporarily Suggested revision: a contemporary concern for citizens Why it matters: The original combination of on the minds and contemporarily is unnatural.
- 10. Use formal register Original: folks Suggested revision: people Why it matters: People is more appropriate than the informal folks in an academic essay.
- 11. Repair clause connection Original: magnitude of their performances, hence, Suggested revision: quality of their performance; therefore, Why it matters: Quality fits the intended meaning, and a semicolon correctly joins the two independent clauses.
- 12. Use concise expression Original: some women who are in authority Suggested revision: some women in leadership roles Why it matters: Leadership roles expresses the idea more precisely and concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- people, nowadays, generally people nowadays generally
- females women
- are good at taking up leadership positions as opposed to males are better leaders than men
- what they do better areas in which they perform better
- , as will be discussed in this essay Delete
- men unequal unequal to men
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear, qualified position and uses relevant leadership traits to explore both genders. Its main limitation is that the comparison remains general and sometimes logically inconsistent, so the claimed partial agreement is not fully demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to establish clear criteria for effective leadership and use each body paragraph to compare how women and men meet those criteria.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant position is maintained, but the reasons are general and do not convincingly establish why partial agreement is justified.
Develop two clear comparative reasons showing when women may lead better and when men may be equally effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure supports broad progression, although several connectors are mechanical or do not accurately express the relationship between ideas.
Use simpler transitions and ensure each paragraph moves from one focused claim through explanation to a clear link with the position.
Lexical Resource
The response shows an adequate range for discussing leadership, but awkward collocations and shifts in register reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as 'men unequal' and 'women empowerment is on the minds' with natural, consistently formal wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, despite recurring errors in sentence boundaries, agreement, and clause construction.
Separate run-on sentences and check agreement and reference carefully when constructing longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe women are better leaders than men. To which extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.