Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Sample Response
The order and pattern of students' education are always a matter of discussion and debate all over the world. Though few people support direct continuing education from school to the university, I strongly hold the view that the part-time jobs and expedition journeys, after the schooling, positively contribute to the university education to a great extent.
One of the obvious reasons is that part time job assists to resolve financial issues of university education. To be more precise, the cost of higher education, which is a tough nut to crack for many students can be resolved to some extent by the wages and salaries of job settings. In Europe and America, students enjoy sabbatical leave and make their graduation and post-graduation study as a piece of cake is the best epitome.
Another reason to support my view is that the travelling helps immensely to discover the incredible world. In other words, students can get more practical knowledge which is necessary to get academic excellence not only in History and Biological sciences but also in all other subjects. Actions speak louder than words. Practical experience is completely different from bookish knowledge, acquired by long journeys, positively influences for academic improvement and to tackle complex issues of future life episodes of the students. Moreover, this is an excellent opportunity to pupils to understand the life is not just a cake walk.
Ironically, an army of people claims that this order of education is a waste of time. Students need to get graduation as early as possible to serve society. Perhaps it may be true but we cannot deny that Rome was not built in a day. Necessary time consumption is an integral part of excellent education.
To crown it all, both travelling and have some work experience, especially before university term, positively contribute to personal and economic aspects of the student life and personal life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise financial phrase Original: issues Suggested revision: challenges Why it matters: Challenges more accurately describes difficulty paying for higher education.
- 2. Use academic register Original: a tough nut to crack Suggested revision: difficult to afford Why it matters: The revision states the financial difficulty directly instead of using an informal idiom.
- 3. Use natural employment wording Original: resolved to some extent by the wages and salaries of job settings Suggested revision: covered partly by earnings from employment Why it matters: Costs are covered rather than resolved, and earnings from employment is the natural phrase.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: the travelling helps Suggested revision: travelling helps Why it matters: Travelling is a general activity and does not take the definite article here.
- 5. Use defining relative pronoun Original: which Suggested revision: that Why it matters: That is the preferred relative pronoun for this defining clause.
- 6. Use correct collocation Original: get Suggested revision: achieve Why it matters: Achieve academic excellence is the standard verb-noun combination.
- 7. Use lowercase subjects Original: History and Biological sciences Suggested revision: history and biological sciences Why it matters: General academic subjects are not capitalised in this context.
- 8. Fix opportunity preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Opportunity takes for before the person who receives it.
- 9. Add clause marker Original: the Suggested revision: that Why it matters: That is needed to introduce the clause expressing what pupils understand.
- 10. Use concise terminology Original: order and pattern of students' education Suggested revision: sequence of students' education Why it matters: Sequence expresses the order of educational stages without the redundant pair order and pattern.
- 11. Use accurate transition Original: Ironically, an army of people Suggested revision: However, many people Why it matters: However marks the opposing view accurately, while ironically does not fit and an army is exaggerated.
- 12. Use correct verb Original: get graduation Suggested revision: graduate Why it matters: Graduate is the verb for completing a degree, whereas get graduation is not idiomatic.
Suggested Rewrites
- issues challenges
- a tough nut to crack difficult to afford
- resolved to some extent by the wages and salaries of job settings covered partly by earnings from employment
- the travelling helps travelling helps
- which that
- get achieve
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a consistent position and gives separate reasons concerning employment, travel, and practical experience, with a generally recognizable progression. Its main limitation is that several points, particularly earning money for tuition, do not clearly demonstrate greater benefit from or contribution to university courses, while frequent awkward language obscures parts of the argument. The highest-priority improvement is to link every example directly to academic participation and express those links in simpler, grammatically controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear view is maintained and relevant benefits are discussed, but some support is indirect and the contribution-to-courses element is not fully developed.
Explain specifically how work and travel improve students' learning and contributions in seminars, projects, or other university-course contexts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall sequencing are clear, though some internal links are imprecise and the counterargument is only briefly integrated.
Use explicit logical links between each experience, the skill it develops, and its effect at university instead of relying on stock transitions and sayings.
Lexical Resource
There is evidence of range, but frequent inaccurate collocations, unsuitable idioms, and imprecise wording weaken control.
Prioritize natural academic combinations such as gain work experience and apply practical knowledge, and remove decorative idioms that blur the point.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are attempted, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, clause structure, and complementation reduce clarity in several sentences.
Use shorter complete clauses and check each verb for a clear subject, correct form, and appropriate complement before combining ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.