Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Working people devote lesslesser time to exercise, and as a result, they develop many health problems such as obesity and heart disease. This is mainly because they do not have enough time on weekdaysduring their weekdays and feel too tired to exercise at weekendsfeel tired working on weekends. Moreover, compulsively watching television programmes and videos games also discourages them from getting physically active during their leisure time. This essay will discuss the reasonsreason behind this issue and how to address it effectivelymanage it substantially.
There are several reasons behind this, and the major ones are a sedentary working lifestyle and feeling tired after workgetting tiredness after work. People work so hardPeople are working hard to fulfil their personal and professional commitments that they hardly have time to relax or exercise. In this highlycutthroat competitive world, everyone is caught in a rat raceeveryone is running a rat race to earn money. Hectic work schedules and long working hours are primary reasons why working people neglectprimary reasons working people neglect physical exercisefitness exercises, leading to low productivity. Another reason is that digital devices have a strong influence on individuals’ daily livesthe daily life of individuals. Since these devices are pretty addictive, once they open their social media accountsaccount or start searching online, they tend to spend long hours looking at a screenlong hours on the screen. Consequently, this leavesThus, it leaves no time for them to exercisedo exercise.
Turning to possible solutionsShifting towards what can be done about this problem, there are some effective ways to help people become fitter and work more effectivelymethods to tackle how people get fit and work more effectively. Raising awareness ofCreating cognisance about the risks of physical inactivity is the first step to counter this issue. In addition, bosses who require their employees to work overtime should be penalised. What’s more, companies should be emboldened to set up gyms and sports courts within their premises, and employeesemployers should be permitted to access them during their recreation time. Studies have shown that even a simple stretch will enable people to shake off their lethargy and enhance their productivity.
To recapitulate, it is clear that working individuals do not engage in exercises due to modern work pressure. Still, self-motivation and constant willingness are high priorities for leading a healthy life. We all can achieve this shared goal by adopting the ways mentioned above.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its complete coverage of the problem, offering several relevant causes and practical workplace-focused solutions in a clear overall structure. Its main limitation is recurring imprecision in vocabulary and grammar, which makes otherwise sensible points sound awkward or occasionally changes the intended meaning. The highest-priority improvement is to express each idea with accurate collocations and carefully checked sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant causes and a range of feasible solutions that receive generally adequate explanation.
Explain more directly how each proposed measure would create sustained exercise habits rather than only improve workplace productivity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion paragraphs, though some linking is mechanical or imprecise.
Replace formulaic transitions with direct topic sentences and ensure pronouns have clear referents.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a useful range of topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward choices and collocations reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as spend less time exercising, feel tired, and encourage companies instead of forcing sophisticated vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer uses both simple and complex sentences, but recurring errors in agreement, clause formation, and noun forms remain noticeable.
Proofread complex sentences for missing linking words, correct noun forms, and accurate subject-verb agreement.