Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved?
Sample Response
Human nature is open to a variety of addictions such as alcohol and smoking. Some of these addictions affect working quality and as a result of this, alcohol is banned from workplaces. On the other hand, because of smoking doesn't affect working, employees are allowed to use it during their shift. But, during last two decades government approved a new bill which forbids smoking inside buildings and as a result of this, people who would like to smoke cigarettes should leave the building first. This essay is going to examine which solutions could be used to close time gap for required to leave the building. First of all, using the same amount of breaks is right of each employee. It should be calculated somehow. For instance, employers should give break time counter to each employee and inform them that if they will go outside, a counter will calculate total time spent outside. If an employee works without breaks, he or she should receive incentives such as bonus or company internal usage points Secondly, employers might reorganise employees desk near to exist to prevent wasted times during walking out of the building. Furthermore, companies might add a balcony on each floor in order to create smoking zones. This idea might be useful for employees, but I this solution might create massive expenses during construction. Moreover, some companies like "Google" allow their employees to work without defined desks and this gives mobility to employees. This might be a solution without spending any to avoid wasted times for smokers. Lastly, there might be a program to deter employees from smoking while giving them chance to smoke during work hours. For instance, employees who joined the program quits smoking, completes the program successfully and they receive incentives such as bonus cash or company points. This solution has benefits to each side and it could be used for the betterment of life and working standard. In conclusion, there are a variety of solutions to avoid the smoking issue and both sides should try their best to fix it before it became pandemic.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise phrase Original: working quality Suggested revision: work performance Why it matters: “Work performance” is the natural term for the quality of an employee's work.
- 2. Fix causal clause Original: because of smoking doesn't affect working Suggested revision: because smoking does not affect work Why it matters: “Because” introduces a clause, while “because of” must be followed by a noun phrase.
- 3. Add definite article Original: during last two decades Suggested revision: during the last two decades Why it matters: The specified time period requires the definite article “the.”
- 4. Fix article and tense Original: government approved Suggested revision: the government has approved Why it matters: The singular institution needs an article, and the present perfect links the past action to the current rule.
- 5. Use correct legal term Original: new bill which forbids Suggested revision: new law that forbids Why it matters: A bill is a proposal, whereas an enacted rule that forbids conduct is a law.
- 6. Repair phrase structure Original: close time gap for required to leave Suggested revision: reduce the time required to leave Why it matters: The revised infinitive phrase clearly expresses reducing the time employees need to exit.
- 7. Clarify reward type Original: company internal usage Suggested revision: internal company reward Why it matters: The revised modifiers clearly identify the points as an internal company reward.
- 8. Separate sentences Original: Secondly, Suggested revision: . Secondly, Why it matters: A full stop is required before the new sequencing marker.
- 9. Use possessive plural Original: employees desk Suggested revision: employees' desks Why it matters: The plural possessive form is needed for desks belonging to multiple employees.
- 10. Correct spelling and phrase Original: near to exist Suggested revision: near exits Why it matters: “Exits” is the intended plural noun, and “near” does not require “to.”
- 11. Use uncountable noun Original: times Suggested revision: time Why it matters: “Time” is uncountable when referring generally to time lost while leaving.
- 12. Fix time phrase Original: during walking out Suggested revision: while leaving Why it matters: “While” followed by a participle is the natural structure for this simultaneous action.
Suggested Rewrites
- working quality work performance
- because of smoking doesn't affect working because smoking does not affect work
- during last two decades during the last two decades
- government approved the government has approved
- new bill which forbids new law that forbids
- close time gap for required to leave reduce the time required to leave
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay proposes a useful range of possible solutions, including tracking breaks, locating workers near exits, creating smoking areas, flexible seating, and cessation incentives. Its main limitation is that the ideas are presented in one dense block and several are impractical or insufficiently explained, while frequent language errors obscure details. The priority is to select two or three fair, workable policies and explain clearly how each balances productivity with smokers’ break rights.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The problem is addressed through several relevant proposals, but their fairness, practicality, and connection to the time-loss issue are unevenly developed.
Focus on transparent break tracking, accessible designated areas, and cessation support, explaining how each treats smokers and non-smokers fairly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Sequencing words make the list of solutions recognizable, but the single-block format, weak transitions, and loosely connected introduction reduce progression.
Use separate paragraphs for the problem, workplace-design solutions, break policy, cessation support, and a concise recommendation.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient workplace vocabulary to communicate the main proposals, but frequent inaccurate choices such as “working quality,” “close time gap,” and “became pandemic” reduce clarity.
Use precise terms such as “productivity,” “time spent leaving the building,” “designated smoking area,” “break allowance,” and “smoking-cessation programme.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in clause formation, articles, agreement, conditionals, possessives, and punctuation occur throughout and sometimes obscure the intended solution.
Write shorter sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then check forms such as “if they go outside,” “employees’ desks,” and “employees who join the programme.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.