Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved?
Sample Response
Smoking is such a bad habit that it affects the working efficiency and health of the workers and smoking in the office premises brings potential harms to colleges’ health and emotional well-being. Positive solutions should be taken to tackle this worrying trend.
I believe that employees should not be allowed to smoke inside the building as all of their colleges will be the passive smokers in this circumstance. It should not be allowed in the first place as the non-smoking workers and employees’ health will be badly influenced by such working environment. In particular, this behaviour will be harmful to female workers who are pregnant and their unborn babies would be greatly harmed. Working environment should be smoking-free area and those who want to have a smoke break should be in the right place.
Employees are paid refer to their actual working hours in most industrialised areas. If a worker who smokes and takes frequent breaks during working hours should be either salary-deducted or should work extra hours to compensate the time s/he spends for smoking. It is fair enough because there is a saying that how much you will be paid depends on how much you work.
I can understand that many argue that it would be unfair because smokers have to spend a long time walking to smoking areas. It could be solved by construing a smoking room for those certain group of workers on every floor so that it reduces their time in travelling if necessary. However, on the other hand, employees should be encouraged to quit smoking for health reasons by providing a professional course for them. If they could stop this unhealthy habit, the company is no longer necessary to worry about the fairness of walking time of smoking break and building an extra room for them to smoke.
In conclusion, smokers should pay for themselves if they hope to smoke in the working and employers have the responsibility to provide staff welfare for them to help to form a good working or living habit.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: working Suggested revision: work Why it matters: Work efficiency is the natural noun phrase for efficiency while working.
- 2. Use the correct preposition Original: smoking in the office premises Suggested revision: smoking on office premises Why it matters: On is the standard preposition used with premises.
- 3. Use uncountable harm Original: harms Suggested revision: harm Why it matters: Harm is uncountable when referring generally to damage to health.
- 4. Correct the word Original: colleges’ Suggested revision: colleagues' Why it matters: Colleagues refers to coworkers, whereas colleges are educational institutions.
- 5. Correct the word Original: colleges Suggested revision: colleagues Why it matters: The intended people are the employee's coworkers, not colleges.
- 6. Clarify possession Original: the non-smoking workers and employees’ health Suggested revision: the health of non-smoking employees Why it matters: The revision makes health the clear head noun and removes the confusing double reference to workers and employees.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: badly influenced Suggested revision: adversely affected Why it matters: Health is adversely affected rather than badly influenced.
- 8. Add the article Original: such working environment Suggested revision: such a working environment Why it matters: The singular countable noun environment requires an article after such.
- 9. Use consistent modality Original: their unborn babies would be greatly harmed Suggested revision: their unborn babies could be seriously harmed Why it matters: Could matches the preceding general prediction, while seriously is the natural modifier of harmed.
- 10. Use according to Original: refer Suggested revision: according Why it matters: According to correctly introduces the basis on which pay is calculated.
- 11. Use the intended verb Original: construing Suggested revision: constructing Why it matters: Constructing means building a room, while construing means interpreting something.
- 12. Fix determiner agreement Original: those certain group of workers Suggested revision: that group of workers Why it matters: The singular noun group requires the singular determiner that.
Suggested Rewrites
- working work
- smoking in the office premises smoking on office premises
- harms harm
- colleges’ colleagues'
- colleges colleagues
- the non-smoking workers and employees’ health the health of non-smoking employees
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response offers several practical resolutions, especially nearby smoking rooms, compensated time, and support for quitting, and it organizes them in a broadly logical sequence. However, substantial space is spent restating the harms of indoor smoking, while frequent grammatical and word-choice errors weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to focus each body paragraph directly on one workable solution and explain its fairness clearly in accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay proposes multiple relevant solutions and explains some benefits, but its initial discussion of smoking harms is only indirectly related to resolving the fairness problem.
Devote each body paragraph to a specific resolution and evaluate how it balances workplace productivity with fair treatment of smokers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, although some connections are repetitive or awkward and the focus occasionally shifts away from the central problem.
Use a direct problem-solution sequence and remove redundant transitions such as However, on the other hand.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary to discuss workplace policy and health, but frequent inaccurate choices and collocations reduce precision.
Correct recurring choices such as colleagues rather than colleges and construct rather than construing, and learn natural workplace collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, conditionals, and clause construction sometimes strain readability.
Rewrite conditional and passive sentences with complete clause structures, then proofread consistently for articles and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.