Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved?
Sample Response
It is a common concern among employers that their smoker employees take too much break and this few times should be counted as non-effective hours and even they should not be paid for them. In my opinion, employers are free to choose all of their employees among non-smokers and if they want to employ a smoker, they should not whine about some short breaks that they take to satiate their needs. Employers oddly believe that more someone works more s/he will earn. Although this belief turns out true for machines, it does not apply to the human resource. On the contrary, more a human being work, more personal needs arise and less productive would the work be. Employers that are seeking for productivity should appreciate the necessity of breaks, even if they believe that smoking is a bad habit, and provide enough breaks for anyone rather than counting employees who try to buy some time for them. If there is an honest concern for smokers' health and justice for non-smokers, probably the best solution would be that to encourage smokers to quit smoking. For instance, the sixth clean month of an old smoker could be awarded a little platelet or a cake that they can share with their colleagues to celebrate their healthy new lives. As a corollary to this, the number of breaks would decline. In conclusion, my personal view is that breaks are beneficial for birth employees and employers since the refreshed employee would remain productive. Therefore employers should think about giving more breaks to everyone rather than arguing on the breaks that smokers take. If they are not content with the frequency of breaks, they also have an option not to employ the smoker or they can try to wean their employees away from smoking by giving some incentives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use people-first phrasing Original: their smoker employees Suggested revision: their employees who smoke Why it matters: The relative clause identifies the behaviour more naturally than the noun modifier.
- 2. Use plural count noun Original: take too much break Suggested revision: take too many breaks Why it matters: 'Break' is countable, so it requires the plural with 'many'.
- 3. Fix determiner and noun Original: this few times Suggested revision: these short periods Why it matters: The plural determiner and noun correctly refer to several breaks.
- 4. Use precise term Original: non-effective hours Suggested revision: unproductive time Why it matters: 'Unproductive time' is the natural term for working time without output.
- 5. Clarify the reference Original: should not be paid for them Suggested revision: should not be paid for this time Why it matters: 'This time' clearly refers to the time spent on smoking breaks.
- 6. Use natural recruitment phrase Original: choose all of their employees among non-smokers Suggested revision: recruit only non-smokers Why it matters: The revision states the hiring choice directly and grammatically.
- 7. Use formal verb Original: whine Suggested revision: complain Why it matters: 'Complain' is more appropriate than the informal, emotive verb 'whine'.
- 8. Clarify the need Original: satiate their needs Suggested revision: satisfy their need to smoke Why it matters: The revision identifies the specific need and uses the natural collocation 'satisfy a need'.
- 9. Use paired comparison Original: more someone works more s/he will earn Suggested revision: the more someone works, the more they will earn Why it matters: The correlative comparison requires 'the more ... the more' and a separating comma.
- 10. Use natural linking verb Original: turns out true Suggested revision: is true Why it matters: 'Is true' is the natural construction for applying a belief to machines.
- 11. Refer to people clearly Original: the human resource Suggested revision: human workers Why it matters: 'Human workers' contrasts people with machines more clearly than the abstract management term.
- 12. Remove unnecessary words Original: Employers that are seeking for productivity Suggested revision: Employers seeking productivity Why it matters: 'Seek' takes a direct object and the reduced clause is concise.
Suggested Rewrites
- their smoker employees their employees who smoke
- take too much break take too many breaks
- this few times these short periods
- non-effective hours unproductive time
- should not be paid for them should not be paid for this time
- choose all of their employees among non-smokers recruit only non-smokers
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response offers several relevant and potentially workable solutions, especially universal breaks and incentives to quit smoking, and it generally explains how these could protect productivity. Its main limitation is frequent awkward or inaccurate language, alongside a single-block structure that blurs the relationship between the alternatives; the priority is to organise each solution in its own paragraph and express the supporting logic with more controlled grammar and precise wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The problem is addressed with several relevant solutions and support for breaks and cessation incentives, though some proposals need fuller practical evaluation.
Prioritise one workable workplace policy and explain how it would balance smokers’ time, productivity, and fairness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence from general breaks to quitting incentives and a conclusion, but loose referencing and the single paragraph weaken clarity.
Give each main solution its own paragraph and make the relationship between the alternatives explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations and inaccurate choices such as platelet and birth employees reduce precision.
Choose natural workplace terms and check ambitious words carefully, using award or certificate and both employees and employers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex clauses are attempted often, but agreement, comparison, article, and clause-pattern errors recur throughout.
Practise controlled comparative structures and check subject-verb agreement before adding further clause complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some companies say that if an employee wants to smoke they must leave the building and smoke outside. This takes time away from work, and the employers insist that this time should be counted as break time. This may not be fair to the smokers who may have to wait a long time to get out of the building. How could this problem be resolved?
Your response
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