In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
Sample Response
Despite the progress made in agriculture, there are still millions of people worldwide who suffer from hunger. This is a complex issue that this essay will deal with. In it, I will suggest multiple causes of this problem and suggest possible solutions.
One reason for this problem is the unequal distribution of food. While some countries produce more than enough food to feed their population, others face difficulties in meeting the basic needs of their people. Additionally, food waste is a major issue in developed countries, with large amounts of food discarded each year, while many people in developing countries struggle to find enough food to survive.
Another factor is poverty. Many people cannot afford to buy enough food to meet their needs, and this is often compounded by political instability and conflict, which disrupt food production and distribution. Conflict and political instability further worsen this situation in many parts of the world. For example, in countries like Yemen and South Sudan, ongoing conflicts have devastated agriculture and food systems, leaving millions of people without access to basic necessities.
To address this issue, several actions can be taken. First, we should prioritize policies and programmes that aim to reduce corruption and poverty, as well as increase access to food, especially in vulnerable populations. For example, enacting laws that hold public officials accountable for misusing funds and enforcing fair distribution of resources can help combat corruption and hunger effectively.
Second, initiatives aimed at reducing food waste and redistributing surplus food to vulnerable communities should be prioritized. For instance, local grocery stores and restaurants can collaborate with food banks to donate unsold but edible food items. By taking this step, we can ensure that excess food is channelled towards addressing hunger and food insecurity.
In conclusion, despite the advancements in agriculture, hunger remains a pressing global issue. Addressing this problem requires a concerted effort from governments, organizations, and individuals to ensure that everyone has access to sufficient and nutritious food.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid verb repetition Original: suggest Suggested revision: propose Why it matters: Propose avoids repeating suggest within the same sentence while preserving the meaning.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: face difficulties in meeting Suggested revision: struggle to meet Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same idea more directly.
- 3. Use formal exemplification Original: countries like Yemen and South Sudan Suggested revision: countries such as Yemen and South Sudan Why it matters: Such as is slightly more precise when introducing named examples.
- 4. Fix the preposition Original: in Suggested revision: among Why it matters: Among correctly identifies the population groups whose access should increase.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: unsold but edible food items Suggested revision: unsold edible food Why it matters: Food items is unnecessarily wordy because food already names what is being donated.
- 6. Simplify the phrase Original: channelled towards addressing Suggested revision: used to address Why it matters: The replacement is clearer and more direct without changing the claim.
- 7. Use the usual collocation Original: advancements Suggested revision: advances Why it matters: Advances is the more natural noun for progress in agriculture.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: This is a complex issue that this essay will deal with. Suggested revision: This essay examines this complex issue. Why it matters: The revision removes the vague phrasal verb and states the essay's purpose more directly.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: For example, enacting laws that hold public officials accountable for misusing funds and enforcing fair distribution of resources can help combat corruption and hunger effectively. Suggested revision: For example, holding public officials accountable for misusing funds and ensuring the fair distribution of resources can help combat corruption and hunger effectively. Why it matters: The rewrite creates two parallel gerund phrases and removes the faulty coordination after laws that.
- 10. Consolidate repeated causes Suggested revision: Combine the two consecutive points about conflict and political instability, then keep the country examples immediately after the consolidated claim. Why it matters: The paragraph repeats the same cause in adjacent sentences before giving its example.
Suggested Rewrites
- suggest propose
- face difficulties in meeting struggle to meet
- countries like Yemen and South Sudan countries such as Yemen and South Sudan
- in among
- unsold but edible food items unsold edible food
- channelled towards addressing used to address
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers both parts of the task with a well-organised explanation of unequal distribution, poverty, conflict, and food waste, followed by practical solutions and relevant examples. Its main limitation is occasional repetition and some broad policy claims; the best refinement would be to connect each proposed measure more explicitly to a previously identified cause and tighten repeated wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed through well-developed causes and practical solutions supported by relevant examples.
Strengthen precision further by explicitly pairing every proposed measure with the particular cause it is intended to resolve.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in focused paragraphs and cohesive devices guide the reader effectively, with only minor repetition.
Remove the repeated point about conflict and vary paragraph openings to make the progression even more economical.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range of topic vocabulary is used naturally, with only occasional repetition of core terms.
Use concise substitutions for repeated words such as problem and food while preserving the essay's accurate formal register.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is handled accurately, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Refine minor phrasing and preposition choices, particularly when describing access for vulnerable populations.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.