In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
Sample Response
Recent years have witnessed tremendous developments in agricultural science yet every day people all over the world continue to suffer and even die from hunger. In my opinion, this is because innovations rarely impact the developing world and the best solution for it is to direct humanitarian funding towards these advances.
The main cause of more advanced agricultural methods not reaching the people who need it the most is that the developing world has trouble implementing these methods. There are a number of reasons for this ranging from limited financial resources to poor existing infrastructure to political instability, depending on the country in question. One example of this would be in many African nations, where malnourishment has historically been highest. Countries like the Congo have seen revolution after revolution over the last several decades, which has effectively destabilised the entire country. The universities where students would learn about changes in agriculture are frequently shut down or destroyed. The young people who would become agricultural scientists end up drawn into the conflict as soldiers or victims. Long-term economic neglect means that the government has very limited ability to subsidise farming. These problems are present to varying degrees in countries around the world and offer one possible explanation for the continued prevalence of hunger.
The solution that I believe would be most effective is directing humanitarian funds previously focused on food aid towards education and agricultural infrastructure. Food aid is a notoriously poor solution because it only offers an immediate solution and warlords often exploit it to support their continued mistreatment of their people. It hurts more than it helps. However, there would be better long-term effects if international organisations and governments redirected that money into helping build better farms, provide more modern equipment, and sending qualified professions to train people in need. There is a TedTalk by a young man in Kenya who built his own windmill out of old bicycle parts and by reading a book in the local library. It is large enough to power his own house and he was seeking financing for a larger one that would power irrigation channels for the entire village. If more people like him can be found or trained then this will have an impact that lasts for decades and is relatively impervious to the factors preventing agricultural advances from taking root in developing countries.
In conclusion, developing companies face myriad problems that hinder their ability to take advantage of newer agricultural models and we should direct more funding to helping these countries learn more about new farming methods. This is likely to be an important issue in the world as the gap between rich and poor, developed and undeveloped widens while technological progress continues its indifferent march forward.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add clause punctuation Original: science yet Suggested revision: science, yet Why it matters: A comma is needed before yet when it joins two independent clauses.
- 2. Fix the collocation Original: the best solution for it Suggested revision: the best solution to this problem Why it matters: Solution takes the preposition to, and the explicit noun avoids a vague pronoun.
- 3. Clarify the target Original: towards these advances Suggested revision: towards implementing these advances Why it matters: Funding supports the implementation of advances rather than the advances themselves.
- 4. Repair the construction Original: cause of more advanced agricultural methods not reaching Suggested revision: reason more advanced agricultural methods do not reach Why it matters: The revised clause uses a direct and grammatically controlled subject-verb structure.
- 5. Fix pronoun agreement Original: need it the most Suggested revision: need them most Why it matters: The plural pronoun them must refer back to agricultural methods.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: changes Suggested revision: advances Why it matters: Advances accurately refers to the new methods discussed throughout the paragraph.
- 7. Use an infinitive form Original: solution that I believe would be most effective is directing Suggested revision: most effective solution would be to direct Why it matters: The infinitive form fits the complement structure and makes the sentence more concise.
- 8. Improve the collocation Original: funds previously focused on food aid Suggested revision: funds currently allocated to food aid Why it matters: Funds are allocated to a purpose rather than focused on it.
- 9. Avoid repetition Original: immediate solution Suggested revision: short-term relief Why it matters: This avoids repeating solution and better reflects the temporary effect described.
- 10. Correct the name Original: TedTalk Suggested revision: TED Talk Why it matters: The established name uses capital letters and two words.
- 11. Fix faulty coordination Original: out of old bicycle parts and by reading a book in the local library Suggested revision: from old bicycle parts after reading a book in the local library Why it matters: The revision separates the material used from the means of learning.
- 12. Keep tense consistent Original: is Suggested revision: was Why it matters: Past tense is required to match the surrounding account of the completed project.
Suggested Rewrites
- science yet science, yet
- the best solution for it the best solution to this problem
- towards these advances towards implementing these advances
- cause of more advanced agricultural methods not reaching reason more advanced agricultural methods do not reach
- need it the most need them most
- changes advances
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear cause-and-solution structure and develops its ideas at length, with the discussion of weak infrastructure and instability providing a coherent central explanation. Its main limitation is that some claims are overgeneralised and the windmill example is only indirectly connected to hunger; using a more precise agricultural example and explicitly showing how the proposed investment improves food access would sharpen the argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are answered with a clear position and substantial development, though some support is broad or only partly relevant.
Use a directly relevant farming example and explain more precisely how redirected funding would reduce hunger rather than only improve technology.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised and generally progresses well, although the long body paragraphs occasionally become diffuse.
Divide or tighten the extended supporting discussion so each example leads promptly back to the paragraph's central claim.
Lexical Resource
The response displays a broad vocabulary and some effective precise choices, but several collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Correct choices such as qualified professions and developing companies, and favour conventional terms such as agricultural techniques.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally clear control, despite several local errors in parallelism, articles, and complementation.
Proofread coordinated structures, especially sequences such as helping build, provide, and sending, to keep their grammatical forms parallel.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.