People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Drug addiction has become a serious problem in our society. It has spoiled dreams and aspirations of thousands of families. The fascinating story of the addicts is that once they accustomed to heinous habit, they cannot get rid of it regardless how they endeavour themselves. Especially, youth are used to drug abuse in my society. So, it is crucial to find the reasons behind their deadly habits. Very thoughtful decisions should be taken to help the youngsters to fight the drug abusing problems.
The first and foremost reason of this problem is the peer- pressure. As young people hangs out most time with dearer and nearer pals and some may be drug abusers, who compel their chaps to do drugs. Secondly, we can see advertisements, films that show using drugs in a seductive manner. The young have the habit of imitating whatever their best actor do, they no longer keep away themselves doing drugs. In long run, this little curiosity guides them to notorious drug abusers. Thirdly, young people have the attitudes of trying different things in their adolescents. As life is not a bed of roses, they may take drugs to forget all their worries. Family problem, psychological problem and bad influences of friends can be very lethal sometimes as they are sometimes the root causes for young people to try drugs.
Doing drug spoils the peace and harmony of the family. The druggist son steals cash and kinds to purchase drugs. Later, the family is engulfed in debt. Another effect of the drug is it may take the life of drug abusers as they hardly give up evil and anti-social habit. If drug abusers exchange the needle among friends, they are vulnerable to transmission of deadly disease like AIDS. In a society where young people abuse drugs, naturally, the crime rates would be high there. More fights and murders could be observed in such areas and there must be personal, social and generation related problems related to widespread drug abusing. Only a single drug abuser in a family can ruin the whole family and thus a generation declined to drug abusing would bring heinous problems to the country.
To wipe out drug from society educational programmes should be organised in school, colleges. Rehabilitation centres must be established to assess druggists. Advertisement of drugs, alcohol should be banned from the TV. Families should keep an eye on the bad companies their teenagers are spending time with and finally the family bonding and understanding should be strong enough to discourage the teenagers not to do something that would bring shame for the family. Governments must ensure that their law enforcing organisations are working hard to wipe out the illegal drug businesses from the country and strict laws should be imposed and implemented to punish the illegal drug business people.
To recapitulate, drug abusers are evil of family, society and nation. The responsible bureaucrats and government must crack down on drugs to utilise young blood for the progress of a nation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete the verb phrase Original: once they accustomed to heinous habit Suggested revision: once they become accustomed to this heinous habit Why it matters: Become is required before accustomed, and the singular count noun habit needs a determiner.
- 2. Add required preposition Original: regardless how Suggested revision: regardless of how Why it matters: The standard construction is regardless of how.
- 3. Correct verb use Original: endeavour themselves Suggested revision: make an effort Why it matters: Endeavour is not used reflexively in this construction.
- 4. Clarify the statement Original: Especially, youth are used to drug abuse in my society. Suggested revision: Young people, especially, abuse drugs in my society. Why it matters: The revision removes the faulty introductory adverb placement and the misleading be used to construction.
- 5. Use correct noun phrase Original: drug abusing problems Suggested revision: problems of drug abuse Why it matters: Drug abuse is the standard noun phrase for the problem described.
- 6. Correct the preposition Original: reason of this problem Suggested revision: reason for this problem Why it matters: Reason takes for when it refers to the cause of a problem.
- 7. Fix subject agreement Original: young people hangs out Suggested revision: young people hang out Why it matters: The plural subject young people requires the base verb hang.
- 8. Add possessive phrase Original: most time Suggested revision: most of their time Why it matters: The quantity expression needs of and a determiner before time.
- 9. Use natural wording Original: dearer and nearer pals Suggested revision: close friends Why it matters: The original phrase is not a natural way to refer to close friends.
- 10. Join coordinated nouns Original: advertisements, films Suggested revision: advertisements and films Why it matters: And is needed to coordinate the two sources being discussed.
- 11. Fix number agreement Original: whatever their best actor do Suggested revision: whatever their favourite actors do Why it matters: The general reference requires the plural noun actors with the matching verb do.
- 12. Correct verb pattern Original: keep away themselves doing drugs Suggested revision: avoid taking drugs Why it matters: Avoid followed by a gerund expresses the intended meaning with correct word order.
Suggested Rewrites
- once they accustomed to heinous habit once they become accustomed to this heinous habit
- regardless how regardless of how
- endeavour themselves make an effort
- Especially, youth are used to drug abuse in my society. Young people, especially, abuse drugs in my society.
- drug abusing problems problems of drug abuse
- reason of this problem reason for this problem
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its comprehensive coverage: it identifies several plausible causes, traces personal, family and social consequences, and offers a substantial set of remedies. Its main limitation is persistent imprecise wording and grammatical instability, which sometimes makes otherwise relevant ideas awkward or unclear. The highest priority is to express each point in simpler, accurate sentences using natural drug-related vocabulary and correct agreement, articles and verb forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses causes, effects and recommendations with numerous relevant ideas and generally sufficient explanation.
Develop fewer points more precisely with specific cause-and-effect reasoning instead of adding broad or repetitive claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear thematic sequence and uses purposeful paragraphs, though linking is sometimes mechanical and sentences occasionally connect ideas loosely.
Use clearer internal progression within each paragraph and replace repetitive listing language with precise logical links.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is broad enough for the topic, but frequent collocation and word-choice errors reduce precision and sometimes clarity.
Prioritise accurate, natural combinations such as drug users, substance abuse and rehabilitation support over unusual or misapplied expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb patterns and sentence boundaries weaken control.
Build complex sentences from accurate main clauses and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles and verb complements.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.
Your response
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