In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
Nowadays child labour is not an uncommon thing and due to the growing economy more and more children are involved in paid work. It is hard to identify if it is right or wrong without considering every tiny fact. Such as the kind of work children do, whether they work part time or full time, labour conditions etc. Many people hold the opinion that child labour causes only bad things. These include an increased high school dropout rate, drug and alcohol abuse. Employers, however, are the only one who benefits from hiring an under-aged person, enjoying a cheap and effective labour. They also opine that child labour is always dangerous and harmful for the next generations. Because of child labour, children will fail to get proper education and other activities of a child. Nevertheless, child work has a lot of advantages along with it. Apart from getting paid, the child can gain an important experience and prepare for the work world. Young people also learn to take responsibility and organise themselves. For instance, many successful businessmen in the US send their kids to do any kind of job by their 16th summer. Currently, this is popular not only in the US but among many nations as well. In developing countries, the majority of teenagers work in order to help their families. For young people, it becomes a necessity rather than a choice. Eventually, work brings much more positive experience however it is more useful when the working experience is accompanied by the college or university studies.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct wording Original: not an uncommon thing Suggested revision: common Why it matters: The double negative is unnecessarily wordy.
- 2. Name economic change Original: the growing economy Suggested revision: economic growth Why it matters: Economic growth is the natural phrase for an expanding economy.
- 3. Use whether clause Original: identify if it is right or wrong Suggested revision: determine whether it is right or wrong Why it matters: Determine whether is the natural construction for evaluating alternatives.
- 4. Use analytical term Original: every tiny fact Suggested revision: every relevant factor Why it matters: Factor is more precise than tiny fact in an evaluation.
- 5. Use complete category Original: labour conditions etc. Suggested revision: working conditions Why it matters: Working conditions is the standard phrase and removes the vague etcetera.
- 6. Use precise effect phrase Original: causes only bad things Suggested revision: has only negative effects Why it matters: The revision uses formal and specific evaluative language.
- 7. Match plural subject Original: the only one who benefits Suggested revision: the only ones who benefit Why it matters: The complement and verb must agree with the plural subject Employers.
- 8. Use standard adjective Original: an under-aged person Suggested revision: an underage worker Why it matters: Underage is written without a hyphen and worker fits the employment context.
- 9. Remove labour article Original: a cheap and effective labour Suggested revision: inexpensive and efficient labour Why it matters: Labour is uncountable here and does not take a.
- 10. Use natural reporting verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue is more idiomatic than opine in this context.
- 11. Correct harm phrase Original: harmful for the next generations Suggested revision: harmful to future generations Why it matters: Harmful takes to, and future generations is the natural expression.
- 12. Name childhood activities Original: other activities of a child Suggested revision: other childhood activities Why it matters: The compact noun modifier avoids the awkward of-phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- not an uncommon thing common
- the growing economy economic growth
- identify if it is right or wrong determine whether it is right or wrong
- every tiny fact every relevant factor
- labour conditions etc. working conditions
- causes only bad things has only negative effects
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response considers both the harms and possible benefits of paid work for children and reaches a qualified conclusion that work can help when combined with education. Its main limitation is uneven development: working conditions are introduced but not used to organise the judgement, while examples and claims remain broad. Build the essay around clear conditions such as age, hours, safety, and schooling, and proofread recurring grammar and collocation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both negative and positive perspectives are relevant, and a qualified opinion emerges, but several points are listed rather than fully explained.
Use the stated factors of age, hours, conditions, and schooling to define clearly when paid work is acceptable or harmful.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves recognisably from drawbacks to benefits and then a conclusion, though the single block and fragments weaken progression.
Divide the discussion into an introduction, a harms paragraph, a benefits-and-conditions paragraph, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss work, education, and responsibility, but frequent awkward collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as “bad things,” “a cheap and effective labour,” “important experience,” and “work world” with natural academic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but fragments, agreement errors, article mistakes, and run-on clauses occur frequently across the response.
Turn the “Such as” fragment into a complete sentence and check subject–verb agreement, articles, and punctuation before linking clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.