In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
I personally think, engaging children in some sorts of paid works is always open for debate. This is a topical question nowadays. Both education and job are essential for children in which successful job is obtained through the quality of education. “Children engaged in some kinds of paid works” is similar to a coin which has two sides.
On one hand, every child must be educated firstly, so that the child may have exposed to all types of subjects like Mathematics, Science, Social-Science etc. So when children grow, they may have the right to choose the field they are most interested in and may enhance the knowledge that supports to implement the skills learned to create miracles in the challenging world. If a child was not educated and engaged in some paid works results in no exposure to such fields and adheres to chores child indulged. On the other hand, it is always rudimentary to have responsibilities for a child if he comes up with poor background or poverty. So, here the financial condition of a family forces the child to get involved in paid works. Fortunately having a job in childhood, adds huge valuable experience to the personality. If the child was gifted with some entrepreneurship skills, this experience helps a lot to establish own industry and will have an opportunity to provide jobs for other people in need. Apart from that learning helps a lot and plays a vital role here. For instance, he can solve any problem on his own through learning and experience. Finally, to conclude, education is essential for every child to gain knowledge regarding various aspects and implementing them in the desired field though paid works add experience at that young age.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete reporting clause Original: I personally think, Suggested revision: I think that Why it matters: Think requires a following that-clause here, and personally is redundant with I.
- 2. Use natural quantifier Original: sorts Suggested revision: types Why it matters: Types of is the natural plural expression after some.
- 3. Use uncountable work Original: works Suggested revision: work Why it matters: Work is uncountable when referring generally to employment.
- 4. Use debate preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Open to debate is the standard collocation.
- 5. Use concise analogy Original: is similar to a coin which has two sides Suggested revision: is like a coin with two sides Why it matters: The shorter comparison expresses the same analogy more naturally.
- 6. Add paired article Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The paired expression is on the one hand and on the other hand.
- 7. Use natural sequence adverb Original: firstly Suggested revision: first Why it matters: First is the natural adverb for the initial priority in a sequence.
- 8. Use passive form Original: have Suggested revision: be Why it matters: The child receives the exposure, so a passive construction is required.
- 9. Use range collocation Original: all types of subjects Suggested revision: a range of subjects Why it matters: A range of subjects is the natural expression for varied school disciplines.
- 10. Format subject list Original: Mathematics, Science, Social-Science etc. Suggested revision: mathematics, science, social science, etc. Why it matters: General school subjects take lowercase letters, social science is open, and etc. is preceded by a comma.
- 11. Use grow-up phrase Original: So when children grow Suggested revision: When children grow up Why it matters: Grow up expresses reaching maturity, and so is unnecessary here.
- 12. Use direct relative clause Original: the field they are most interested in Suggested revision: the field that most interests them Why it matters: The revision avoids the stranded preposition and states the relationship directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- I personally think, I think that
- sorts types
- works work
- for to
- is similar to a coin which has two sides is like a coin with two sides
- On one hand On the one hand
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response recognises both the importance of education and the potential responsibility and experience gained through childhood work, giving it a relevant basis for answering the question. Its main limitation is an imprecise position supported by confusing, loosely developed ideas and frequent language errors that sometimes obscure the intended meaning. The highest priority is to define the circumstances in which paid work is acceptable and support that judgement with clear, realistic reasons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses education and possible benefits of paid work, but its overall judgement is vague and several supporting points are insufficiently explained.
State whether limited, age-appropriate work is acceptable, specify necessary protections, and explain how these conditions preserve education while providing experience.
Coherence and Cohesion
An introduction and two-sided signposting provide some progression, but the contrasting ideas and conclusion are crowded into one long paragraph and connections are often unclear.
Use one paragraph for risks to education, one for conditional benefits, and a separate conclusion that states the final opinion directly.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of education and employment vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as 'paid works', 'adds huge valuable experience to the personality', and 'establish own industry' with natural, specific alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in clause formation, verb forms, articles, agreement, and punctuation sometimes make sentences difficult to follow.
Write shorter complete sentences with explicit subjects and verbs, then check tense and article use before combining related ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.