In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
I think thatI personally think, engaging children in some typessorts of paid workworks is always open tofor debate. This is a topical question nowadays. Both education and job are essential for children in which successful job is obtained through the quality of education. “Children engaged in some kinds of paid works” is like a coin with two sidesis similar to a coin which has two sides.
On the one handOn one hand, every child must be educated firstfirstly, so that the child may behave exposed to a range of subjectsall types of subjects like mathematics, science, social science, etc.Mathematics, Science, Social-Science etc. When children grow upSo when children grow, they may have the right to choose the field that most interests themthe field they are most interested in and may developenhance the knowledge that enables them to applysupports to implement the skills learned to create miracles in the challenging world. If a child was not educated and engaged in some paid works results in no exposure to such fields and adheres to chores child indulged. On the other hand, it is always important for a child to take responsibilityrudimentary to have responsibilities for a child if he comes from a poor background or lives in povertycomes up with poor background or poverty. So, here the financial condition of a family forces the child to get involved in paid workworks. Fortunately having a job in childhood, provides valuable personal experienceadds huge valuable experience to the personality. If the child was gifted with some entrepreneurship skills, this experience helps a lot to establish own industry and will have an opportunity to provide jobs for other people in need. Apart from that learning helps a lot and plays a vital role here. For instance, he can solve any problem on his own through learning and experience. Finally, to conclude, education is essential for every child to gain knowledge regarding various aspects and implementing them in the desired field though paid works add experience at that young age.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response recognises both the importance of education and the potential responsibility and experience gained through childhood work, giving it a relevant basis for answering the question. Its main limitation is an imprecise position supported by confusing, loosely developed ideas and frequent language errors that sometimes obscure the intended meaning. The highest priority is to define the circumstances in which paid work is acceptable and support that judgement with clear, realistic reasons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses education and possible benefits of paid work, but its overall judgement is vague and several supporting points are insufficiently explained.
State whether limited, age-appropriate work is acceptable, specify necessary protections, and explain how these conditions preserve education while providing experience.
Coherence and Cohesion
An introduction and two-sided signposting provide some progression, but the contrasting ideas and conclusion are crowded into one long paragraph and connections are often unclear.
Use one paragraph for risks to education, one for conditional benefits, and a separate conclusion that states the final opinion directly.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of education and employment vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as 'paid works', 'adds huge valuable experience to the personality', and 'establish own industry' with natural, specific alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in clause formation, verb forms, articles, agreement, and punctuation sometimes make sentences difficult to follow.
Write shorter complete sentences with explicit subjects and verbs, then check tense and article use before combining related ideas.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.