Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many believe that children today spend too much time gamingplay too many videogames and should instead spend more time outdoors. In my opinion, though the former diversion is more educational than in years past, the full scope of the latter makes it preferable.
Advocates of gaming point out the medium’s recent evolutiontheir recent evolution. This goes beyond more realistic graphics and includes the topics and types of games now available. Many games today are essentially cinematic experiencesa cinematic experience, with fully realised characters and themes that rival established works of artother great works of art. In this way, games are as educational as more respected art forms such as novels and films. Moreover, not all games are passive. There are more and more games every year that require creative and logical thinking, such as puzzles and text based mysteries. The developers of the newest mobile appsapps available for phones now take advantage of increasingly powerful hardwareimproving hardware to advance the mediumpush forward the medium and engage the mind.
Nonetheless, the games mentioned above are the exceptions and the benefits of outdoor play are greater in general. The most obvious advantage is the effect on healthheath. The world is facing an obesity epidemic that is at least partly driven by more sedentary lifestyles centered around consumer electronics and gaming. Going outside is a natural antidote and can instill in children good habits that will promote a healthy life later. Additionally, outdoor activities offer the opportunity for children to engage in a social activity. Most games are, to varying degrees, an individual experience, butan individual experience but playing with others outside will foster teamwork and improveimproved interpersonal skills.
In conclusion, games can be worthwhile but they rarely have more value than going outside. It is therefore important that parents strive to limit children’s screen time.
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response is strongest in its clear, nuanced position and well-organised comparison of gaming with outdoor activity. Its main limitation is that the gaming discussion occupies substantial space while some benefits of outdoor play remain general, reducing the depth of the case for the preferred option. The highest-priority improvement is to develop one outdoor benefit with a specific causal example and tighten occasional awkward lexical choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses the question with a clear preference and relevant discussion of both activities, although support for outdoor play could be more fully extended.
Develop one outdoor benefit through a concrete example that clearly shows why it outweighs the educational value of gaming.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphed, and cohesively guided through concession and contrast with little strain for the reader.
Tighten the balance between the two body paragraphs so the preferred position receives slightly more sustained development.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and generally precise, though occasional awkward wording and the misspelling of health prevent completely polished lexical control.
Replace strained phrases such as full scope with more exact wording and proofread carefully for isolated spelling slips.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only very minor punctuation or formulation lapses.
Add a comma before but where it joins substantial independent clauses and continue checking the clarity of densely layered sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.