Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education in adult populations who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Formal schooling for the young is of immense significance for a country’s socio-economic development; howeverdevelopment, however, some people are convinced that more money should be allocated tofor educating illiterate adults. I agree with this view to some extent and will analyse the issue in the following essay.
On the one hand, government budgets in many countries, particularly in underdevelopedunder-developed and developing nations, are limited. Therefore, if more funding is spent on improving adult literacy rates, the education of children and adolescents may suffer because funding has been reducedas a consequence of less funding. Eventually, maintaining an adequate standard of educationa suitable level and quality of education, for both children and illiterate adults, may become an impossible task with limited funding, potentially harmingpossibly negatively affecting the education of both groups.
However, due to a decrease in the number of blue-collar jobs, thanks to automationautomatic processes, a large number of illiterate adults who work in such positions are being made redundant, thereby increasing, and therefore increasing the unemployment rate due to their lack of literacy skills when searching for other types of work. This situation not only reduces the standard of living for many people, but is also an underlying cause of the riseunderlying motive for a rise in social problems, such as crime, homelessness, and poverty. Providing formal schooling to adults who cannot read or write proves to be a useful measure to reduce the potential negative consequencesnegative consequences that may occur in a society with high levels of adult illiteracy.
In conclusion, state funding may not allow an adequate amount of money for the education of both the youth and adults to take effect. However, I still believe that if more money is spent on educating illiterate adults, social welfare in such regions will benefit tremendously.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops a coherent case around budget constraints and the social benefits of adult literacy. Its main limitation is that some reasoning remains general and a few long or awkwardly constructed sentences reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to support each main claim with a more specific causal explanation or example while simplifying sentence structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question directly, maintains a clear qualified position, and develops relevant arguments on funding and social welfare.
Develop the budget argument with a concrete example or clearer explanation of how governments could balance competing educational priorities.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices generally linking the argument effectively.
Break up the extended third-paragraph sentence and use more precise internal referencing to make the progression easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently flexible academic vocabulary conveys the main ideas precisely despite several awkward collocations.
Replace imprecise phrases such as references to automatic processes and underlying motives with more natural, context-specific wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used successfully, although faulty coordination and sentence-boundary control create occasional strain.
Review long compound-complex sentences for clear clause relationships, especially where participle clauses follow coordinated verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education in adult populations who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.