Many people believe that today there is a general increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situation? How to improve it?
Sample Response
It is unfortunate that in the midst of substantialvast progress in every field of life, there isevery field of life there is also a growth in antisocial behaviourthe anti-social behaviour and people have become less respectful of each other. This essay intends to analyze some causes of this phenomenon and suggest some ways to ameliorate the situation.
Today, we live in an era of technology in which the whole Earth has shrunk and become a global village. Everybody is connected to everybody through telephone lines and the Internet, but the warmth of relationships has taken a back seat. Most people have more than enough wealth, comfort and freedom, but their hearts desire even more. To satisfy their hearts’ greedhearts greed people have become workaholics, and as a result, haveas a result have no time for family and friends. People have become selfish, isolated and indifferent. Each person is busy in theirhis own quest for more. In addition, the youngstersTo add to it, the youngsters who are at ease with the new technology think that the elderly are incapable of contributinggood for nothing and that is why they don’t respect them.
The changing family structure is another majorbig cause of this phenomenon. Earlier, people lived in joint families and the grandparents were there to supervise the children. Now there are nuclear families in which both parents go out to work, and children are left unattended in the hands of pervasive media such as televisionpervasive media like the TV and the Internet. No one monitors what they watch and they see the programs full of violence and crime, which encourages antisocial behaviourmakes them anti social. The pressure of consumerist society and peers also breeds anti social behaviour. In addition, the valuesTo add to it, the values of traditional culture are being lost and people are following the global culture, which is also viewed as socially unacceptable byconsidered anti social by the orthodox elderly.
There are many solutions to this problem. To begin with, people have to learn to strike a balance between work and family life. GovernmentsGovernment should also fix the maximum hours a worker can work per week so that exploitation is not there in the job market. People should revertrevert back to the old joint family system. This would be to everyone’s benefitin the benefit of all. The children would learn moral values and the elderly would be well looked after. Negative effects of excessive consumerism should be explained to peopleshould be taught to the people. The media can playMedia can play a big role in highlighting the good points of traditional and Western culturesthe traditional and the western culture so that the people can adopt good social values. Neighbourhood associations should be set up to connect people to each other.
Summing up, antisocial conduct andanti social behaviour and mutual lack of respect in today’s times can be dealt with by taking simple measures, and individuals and governments should collectively take these steps.
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Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both parts of the task with a broad range of relevant causes and practical remedies, and its clear paragraph structure makes the argument easy to follow. Its main limitation is that several claims are sweeping or only briefly supported, while some repetition and awkward phrasing reduce precision. The priority is to develop fewer central ideas with specific, credible explanation and examples while editing out promotional or off-task material.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and solutions are clearly addressed through numerous relevant ideas, though some points rely on broad assertions rather than sufficiently specific support.
Select fewer causes and remedies and develop each with a concrete explanation or example, while removing the unrelated final promotional line.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from causes to solutions and uses clear paragraphing, although several linking phrases are repetitive or mechanical.
Use referencing and logical sequencing within paragraphs more naturally instead of repeatedly relying on phrases such as 'To add to it.'
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, but several collocations and word forms are awkward or imprecise.
Improve collocational accuracy in phrases such as 'their hearts greed,' 'in the benefit of all,' and 'revert back.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex sentences is generally controlled, with occasional errors in possessives, articles, agreement, and punctuation that do not impede meaning.
Proofread complex sentences for possessive forms, article choice, and clause punctuation to improve consistency and accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that today there is a general increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situation? How to improve it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.