Many people believe that schools should teach children to become good citizens and workers rather than independent individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.
Sample Response
The debate about whether educational institutions should primarily aim at producing good citizens and workers or great thinkers has generated differing viewshas different sides. Personally, I value the latter highlyconsider the latter quite highly even though independent individualshumans result in some advantages. However, I am of the opinion that the former offers many more advantagesthe former presents many more.
The two most important reasons why schools need to produce free thinkers are as follows: firstas follows; First, the childrenkids are become more responsiblegoing to be more responsible, which is a very important quality for achieving successskill to become successful. For instance, they will know how to look after themselves like going to school all by themselves, doing their homework, and helping out with house chores, this way the parents will be less burdened. Second, the children will be physically and mentally very strong as they will be able to cope with difficult situationscope with a hard situation more effectively and with less stressbetter and with less stress and will be less influenced by their peers and therefore will develop more quicklywill be faster in their development.
However, there is one reason that can not be overlooked namelywhich is no other than the need for responsible citizens and capable employeesquality humans and employees. The conclusion is that this method could lead to a better society. Children will have qualities of various good manners and become a perfect community to live with. Besides, if people turn out to be good workers that would also mean high earnings which would in turn lower the unemployment rate. Thus, it would lessen people's inclinationthe people's interest in committing crimescommitting a crime thereby also helping to reduce inequalitywhich is a way of solving inequality at the same time.
To conclude, the development of independent individuals is indeed important and necessary, but I am of the opinion that being good people and workers is the priority.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a recognizable position and uses a clear four-paragraph structure, with relevant discussion of independence and social contribution. Its main limitation is that the case for prioritizing good citizens and workers is thin and sometimes supported by unclear causal links, while awkward collocations and long, loosely controlled sentences reduce precision. The priority is to develop the preferred side with concrete evidence and express each causal step in shorter, grammatically controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant position is maintained and both perspectives are discussed, but the preferred side is insufficiently developed and some supporting claims are unclear.
Build the argument for good citizens and workers around one or two specific reasons, each supported by a convincing example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic progression are clear, although mechanical sequencing and loosely connected causal claims weaken the flow within paragraphs.
Organize each body paragraph around one controlling idea and make every following sentence explicitly advance that idea.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but several awkward collocations and imprecise expressions reduce clarity and naturalness.
Use conventional phrases such as responsible citizens, skilled employees, and lower crime rates instead of forcing unfamiliar combinations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but run-ons, punctuation problems, and loosely controlled coordination occur repeatedly.
Break long sentences into clearly punctuated units and check that each clause has an unambiguous subject and grammatical link.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people believe that schools should teach children to become good citizens and workers rather than independent individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.