There are more and more effective security measures in large cities to reduce crime. For example, installation of anti-crime devices in cities. Does this endeavor bring more benefits than problems? What is your stand on this?
Sample Response
Crime has been a menace to society for ages, and unlawful activities have been increasingunlawful activities have been seeing a rise for the past few years. The judicial system has improved over the years as more stringent laws have been put intoin effect, especially in urban areas. Moreover, with the aid of advanced technology, monitoring almost every part of a localitykeeping track of almost every segment of a locality has become convenient for the authorities. With that in mind, I believe there are both merits and demerits to such modern systems and in the following paragraphs, I will discuss these pointselaborate on the same.
Firstly, we have to acknowledge the sheer brilliance of the advancement in security equipment that humanity has achieved lately. The ability to monitor suspicious transactions, conversations or even actions without the risk of being noticed has helped law enforcement prevent crimehas led law enforcement to evade crime to a substantial degree. Secondly, these improvements have made it considerably easier to locate criminals and bring them to justice.
However, there are some grave complications with the use of such surveillance methods. The authority and control that these safety measures bring along with themselves is tremendous and can have dangerous consequences if not utilised judiciously. Therefore, in the wrong hands, such mechanisms have the potential to cause considerable harm to societyharm society to a great extent. There have also been instances of misuse of these technological facilities for illegal activities by hackers.
Finally, I would conclude by saying that progress in the area of public safety is essentialis a must and should be facilitated as much as possible. That being said, proper guidelines should be establisheddefined for the use of such safeguards to avoid harmful consequencesproblematic repercussions.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear organisation and confident discussion of both the crime-reduction benefits and the risks of surveillance. Its main limitation is that the position is only fully apparent in the conclusion, while several claims remain general rather than being concretely explained. The highest priority is to state the comparative judgement from the outset and develop each side with a specific mechanism or example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses benefits and problems and ultimately supports security measures with safeguards, although some ideas are only generally developed.
State clearly in the introduction whether the benefits outweigh the problems and support each main claim with a concrete explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through an introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with clear paragraphing and referencing.
Use less formulaic sequencing and make the logical relationship between each claim and its consequence more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, though several collocations such as "evade crime" and "bring along with themselves" are imprecise.
Prioritise natural collocations, such as "prevent crime" and "give authorities considerable power", over elaborate but awkward phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Refine agreement and pronoun structures in longer sentences so that complex ideas are expressed more naturally and precisely.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are more and more effective security measures in large cities to reduce crime. For example, installation of anti-crime devices in cities. Does this endeavor bring more benefits than problems? What is your stand on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.