Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female.Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.To what extent do you agree?
Sample Response
Nowadays there is an intense debate concerning the ability of women to fill high-level positions in companies. A growing body of opinionA growing of opinion recommends the allocation of a fixed percentageallocation of fixed percentage of these positions to women. In this essay I am going to discuss different views related to this issue. It is undeniable that women todaywomen in the time being can qualifyhave the ability to be qualified through either education or practical experienceeither educationally or practically to attain success in different branches and fields. Therefore, it is quite fair for women to attainit is quite fair to get higher positions in their careers. Although this makes practical sense, it ignores a lot of social and physical obstacles that face women and interfere with their efficient performanceefficient performance of them in such demanding rolesin such heavy duties. Such obstacles need considerable effortgross efforts exerted by both the family and the government to provide sustainedimmanent support to women to achieve success in their working livespractical life. Another fundamental point is that allocation of certain percentage for women getting higher position in companies as a quote is completely unfair. If women reach such prestigious positionssuch precious position by lawlow, they might become less active and less productive.Hence, it is wiserit more wise to push women to be promoted by their efforts not by lawlow. Furthermore,As well as also men would be depressed if we apply such policy. To sum up, it is advisable to give women the chancegive the chance for women to share equally with men in the development of the community by reaching all the positions whatever these positions may bewhatever are these. However, it is my belief thatHowever it is my believe that, women should get such positions based on their competence rather than on laws determining appointmentsbased on their efficiency not by making lows determine that.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s strongest feature is its eventual clear opposition to mandatory quotas, supported by relevant ideas about merit and possible workplace effects. However, the reasoning is uneven: the discussion of women’s qualifications and social obstacles is not clearly connected to the central policy question, and several points remain asserted rather than explained. The highest priority is to state the position immediately and develop two focused, logically connected reasons with concrete support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the quota proposal and reaches a clear conclusion, but some supporting ideas are only partly relevant or insufficiently developed.
State the degree of disagreement in the introduction and explain exactly why merit-based promotion would produce fairer outcomes than a quota.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly recognizable sequence, but the absence of paragraphs and several mechanical transitions weaken progression.
Organize the response into distinct paragraphs and use each linking expression only where the logical relationship is clear.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts topic-specific and less common vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision and sometimes strain meaning.
Prioritize accurate common expressions, replacing phrases such as by low, precious position, and immanent support with contextually correct wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex sentences are attempted successfully, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, sentence structure, and word forms reduce control.
Edit each sentence for a complete subject-verb structure, then check articles, plurals, and forms such as belief and law.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female.Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.To what extent do you agree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.