These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development?
Sample Response
Nowadays, many people migrate to other countries to work, and in many cases, they take their family members with them as well. There are some advantages and disadvantagespositive and negative things about this trend, but in my personal opinion it has more advantages than the disadvantages and the following essay will discuss both in detaildiscuss them both in details.
For a number of reasons, many people believe that working overseas and taking their families bringsworking overseas and take their families bring a lot of benefits for them. Firstly, many people believe that by working overseas, they will earn higher incomes. As a consequence, their families' standard of living and economic condition will improve, especially for people who migrate from developing countriesthird world countries to advanced countries. Secondly, some people are moving to another country because in the new countrydue to in the new country, their children will get a better education. For instance, some people from Indonesia are migrating to Australia as permanent residentsresidences and work there due to they are hoping that their children could have the opportunity to study in world-class universities there. And lastly, working overseas will enrich and broaden the life experience of the workers and their families. They could have the chance to visit many great and historical places in the new country, learn a new language and make many new friends.
Despite all the positive things about working overseas and bringing the family members, there are some negative things that people should notice. There is a chance of a culture shock for the family members, as there may be some traditions and customs that might not fit themcustoms that might not be fit with them. For example, many western people might not be accustomed to the culture of the Japanese people who will bend their head when they meet other people. And then, there might be some difficulties for the worker and the family members in adapting to local foodin adapting with the local foods. Many western people are not comfortable with the Asian foods due to most of them are using spices and chilli.
In conclusion, it is true that numbers of people who are migrating overseas are increasing these days, and mostly they bring their families with them. Bringing family members to another country has its own positive and negative sides, but I believe that there are more benefits than the drawbacks, as long as we would learn to adjust and adapt to the new culture and environment.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay gives a clear answer and supports it with relevant advantages and disadvantages, with logical paragraphing that makes the overall argument easy to follow. Its main limitation is that some examples remain general and do not consistently explain how migration affects family development, while recurring grammatical and collocational problems reduce precision. Prioritise explicit links to family outcomes and carefully edit longer sentences for natural, accurate expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly answers the outweigh question and gives relevant benefits and disadvantages. Development is sufficient, but some examples are general and the family-development angle could be sharper.
Make each body paragraph explicitly connect back to family development, such as children's education, family stability, identity, and adjustment.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and progression is generally clear. Cohesive devices are sometimes mechanical or inaccurate, which weakens flow.
Use fewer formulaic linkers and build smoother links between cause, result, and example within each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and topic-related, with some effective phrases, but there are repeated word choices and several awkward collocations.
Replace repeated basic phrases like positive and negative things with precise nouns such as benefits, drawbacks, pressures, and opportunities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is attempted, but frequent grammar and word-form errors reduce accuracy.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement, noun forms, and accurate clauses after due to, especially in longer explanatory sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.