Shopping is the favourite free time activity for many young people today. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time rather than shopping?
Sample Response
Young people’s approach totoward hobbies is changing dramatically, and it is often influenced by technology and the modern world. At present, shopping as a favourite pastimea favourite pastime activity is becoming extremely popular, especially among youngsters. Admittedly, the services offered by retailersshopping outlets' services, lucrative offers, rapid changes in technology, and digital advertisements are playing key roles in making this trend popular. However, unnecessary shopping is a waste of time and money, which, I believe, could be used more productively by young peoplecould be better utilised by youths. The modern worldThe modern world we live in has many new technologies, gadgets, and fashion items, and they change so frequently that it is almost impossible to remain fashionable, trendy and up to datefashionable, trendy and updated without shopping regularly. Many people, especially youngsters, go shopping regularly because they feel new gadgets and fashion itemsthose items are necessary for them. Since brands release new items quite often, young people go shoppingthe young generation goes shopping frequently. Digital advertisements by big and small brands also reach millions of youngsters and constantly encourage them to buy fashionable itemslure them to get fashionable items to look and feel good, and sometimes their offers and discounts are too good to missquite good to be missed! For instance, large and small brandsrenowned brands like Nike or some small brands often offer discounts of up to 50%give up to 50% discount which attracts many young peoplewhich drags many youngsters to their outlets. Youths can use their leisure time onin more productive activities and hobbies like going out and doing exercise, socialising with others, getting involved in charity workworks and taking part in different outdoor sports. These activities will keep them mentally and physically fit and make a far more healthy young generation without chronic diseases and obesity. Besides, they can devote time to readinginvest time in reading, which will broaden their imagination and enhance their knowledge. For example, it is evident that students who like to read a lot do much better in exams and end up having a better career than those who hardly read books outside of their academic syllabus. To conclude, I believe that shopping is important when it is restricted to buying necessary items. But if it becomes an obsession for young people, it is a problem. They should better spend the money and time doing things that would benefit them in the long run.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay answers both questions directly, explaining the appeal of shopping through product turnover, advertising, and discounts, then proposing healthier and more educational alternatives. Its main limitation is presentation and precision: all ideas appear in one paragraph, and several phrases such as "quite good to be missed" and "should better spend" are unnatural. Separate causes from recommendations and edit these phrases into idiomatic academic English.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed with several developed causes, a clear view, practical alternative activities, and relevant supporting examples.
Make the causal analysis still sharper by distinguishing the influence of rapid product change from the separate influence of advertising and discounts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from causes to alternative activities and a conclusion, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph obscures this strong underlying structure.
Use distinct paragraphs for the introduction, causes of shopping's popularity, recommended alternatives, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
A broad range supports discussion of technology, advertising, fitness, charity, and reading, though several collocations are imprecise or overly forceful.
Replace "quite good to be missed," "drags many youngsters," and "charity works" with "too good to miss," "attracts young shoppers," and "charity work."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally controlled and meaning remains clear, with only occasional errors in comparison forms and verb patterns.
Use accurate forms such as "a much healthier generation" and "they would be better off spending their time and money."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Shopping is the favourite free time activity for many young people today. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time rather than shopping?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.