The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
Sample Response
The pie charts show the average proportions of household spendingproportion of money spent on various household expenses in Malaysia and Japan in 2010.
We can see that in Malaysia the greatest proportion of expenditure (34%) was on housing, while in Japan housing accounted for just 21% of the total. In contrast, in Japan the largest single categorygreatest single expense was other goods and services at 29%, compared with 26% in Malaysia. Food came in second place in Japan, at 24%, while in Malaysia the correspondingactual proportion was higher (27%). In Japan another major expense was transport, at 20%, but this was much lower inIn Malaysia (10%). In both countries the smallest percentage of expenditure was on health care.
Overall, the data indicateindicates that in both countriescases food, housing and other goods and services were the main expenses, but that in Japan, transport and other goods and services took up a higher proportion of total expenditure than in Malaysia.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response accurately reports the principal proportions and makes effective comparisons between the two countries, supported by a clear overall summary. Its main limitation is that health-care figures are not quantified and a few phrases are slightly awkward, although coverage remains strong and concise. For further improvement, include the two smallest percentages explicitly and polish minor wording and capitalization while preserving the focused organization.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides an accurate overview and selects nearly all significant proportions and cross-country comparisons without misreporting the data.
Add the health-care values of 6% in Japan and 3% in Malaysia to complete the otherwise thorough coverage.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is concise and logically organized, with comparisons integrated smoothly and an overview that clearly synthesizes the detailed paragraph.
Retain this focused progression and consider placing the overview immediately after the introduction for even quicker orientation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and well suited to proportions and expenditure, with only a small amount of slightly awkward phrasing.
Replace less natural wording such as the actual proportion with the simpler corresponding figure and maintain the same comparative range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex comparative structures is used accurately, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Correct the isolated capitalization slip in In Malaysia and continue checking presentation details after drafting.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.