The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.
Sample Response
The pie charts show the amount of revenue and expenditures in 2016 for a children’s charity in the USA. Overall, it can be seen that donated food accounted for the majority of the income, while program services accounted for the most expenditure. Total revenue sources just exceeded outgoings. In detail, donated food provided most of the revenue for the charity, at 86%. Similarly, with regard to expenditures, one category, program services, accounted for nearly all of the outgoings, at 95.8%. The other categories were much smaller. Community contributions, which were the second largest revenue source, brought in 10.4% of overall income, and this was followed by program revenue, at 2.2%. Investment income, government grants, and other income were very small sources of revenue, accounting for only 0.8% combined. There were only two other expenditure items, fundraising and management and general, accounting for 2.6% and 1.6% respectively. The total amount of income was $53,561,580, which was just enough to cover the expenditures of $53,224,896.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve number agreement Original: amount of revenue and expenditures Suggested revision: amounts of revenue and expenditure Why it matters: The plural 'amounts' distinguishes the two totals, while 'expenditure' is natural as an uncountable category label.
- 2. Use accurate proportion wording Original: the most expenditure Suggested revision: the largest share of expenditure Why it matters: A pie-chart category accounts for a share of the total rather than 'the most expenditure'.
- 3. Correct the percentage Original: at 86% Suggested revision: at 86.6% Why it matters: The revenue chart gives donated food as 86.6 percent.
- 4. Remove redundant framing Original: one category, program services, Suggested revision: program services Why it matters: Naming the category directly makes the comparison more concise without changing its meaning.
- 5. Streamline the relative clause Original: which were the second largest revenue source Suggested revision: the second-largest revenue source Why it matters: This appositive identifies the category clearly and avoids an awkward plural-to-singular construction.
- 6. Sentence rewrite Original: Total revenue sources just exceeded outgoings. Suggested revision: Total revenue was slightly higher than total expenditure. Why it matters: Amounts, rather than revenue sources, are compared in the totals shown below the charts.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: The other categories were much smaller. Suggested revision: All other categories in both charts accounted for 10.4% or less. Why it matters: The revision turns a vague comparison into an accurate summary supported by both charts.
- 8. Separate the chart groups Suggested revision: Use distinct paragraphs for the overview, revenue details, and expenditure details, keeping the final comparison of totals with the overview or as a closing detail. Why it matters: The single-paragraph format weakens the otherwise clear progression between the two charts.
Suggested Rewrites
- amount of revenue and expenditures amounts of revenue and expenditure
- the most expenditure the largest share of expenditure
- at 86% at 86.6%
- one category, program services, program services
- which were the second largest revenue source the second-largest revenue source
- Total revenue sources just exceeded outgoings. Total revenue was slightly higher than total expenditure.
Why this response received Band 9.0
The response is highly effective: it gives a precise overview, selects every important feature, and supports comparisons with accurate percentages and totals. There is no substantial content weakness, though a few phrases could be slightly more economical and the dominance of the two principal categories could be compared even more directly. Prioritize concise comparative synthesis to make an already strong report still sharper.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report fully and accurately covers the dominant categories, all minor categories, and the relationship between total revenue and expenditure.
Refine the overview by directly emphasizing that both charts are overwhelmingly dominated by a single category.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is exceptionally easy to follow, with a clear overview and a well-controlled progression through major and minor figures.
Tighten the transition into the smaller categories so the comparison between the two charts remains central throughout.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural, with effective variation among revenue, income, expenditure, and outgoings.
Use the more concise phrase total revenue instead of total revenue sources to improve precision further.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with consistently controlled punctuation and agreement.
Maintain this accuracy while trimming a few clause-heavy sentences for maximum economy and impact.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.
Your response
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