The bar graph below shows the number of own operated and Franchised restaurants from 2007 to 2012 in Someland.
Sample Response
The graph shows data on the number of personally owned and franchised restaurants in Someland from 2007 to the third quarter of 2012. Generally speaking, the growth in the number of franchised restaurants waswere far higher than that of own-operated onespersonal ones. According to the illustration, the number of franchised restaurantslicensed franchised restaurants in 2007 was 522 which was exactly nine times as high asexactly nine times higher than that of own-operated restaurantspersonally managed diners in Someland. The following yearNext year, the former increased to 580 whereas the latter rose slightly to 62went up slightly and its number was 62. In the next year, 2009, another 101 franchisedchartered restaurants were established while the number of own-operated restaurantspersonally owned restaurant dipped to 59. By 2011After two years, the number of franchised eateries rose sharplythe growth of franchised eateries witnessed a hike, reachingaccounting 813 in total against only 67 self-managed eateries. In the third quarter of 2012, the total number of number of franchised restaurantsfranchised diners’ number reachedreached to 913, 100 higher than in 2011adding 100 new entities in just 9 months, while the figure for own-operated restaurants was 71this number was 71 for personally controlled eateries. As is obvious, the number of franchised restaurants increased by about three quartersalmost doubled in just 5 years while there were 13 more own-operated restaurants than in 2007, despite decreases in 2009 and 2011only 12 new personal restaurants added up with the initial number with a decrease in 2009 and 2011.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response provides a clear overall comparison and accurately reports most figures, using a useful range of trend language. Its main limitation is incomplete coverage of 2010 and several inaccurate or awkward claims, including the size of the overall rise and the final net increase in own-operated restaurants. The highest priority is to compare every year selectively while checking calculations and using precise, natural data-description phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and most key figures are provided, but 2010 is omitted and the final claims about near-doubling and 12 new own-operated restaurants are inaccurate.
Include the 2010 values of 712 and 77, and verify overall changes from 522 to 913 and from 58 to 71 before summarising.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows the years in a clear sequence and uses referencing effectively, but presenting everything in one paragraph weakens the organisation.
Separate the introduction and overview from a detail paragraph, then group the two series within each time comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is a wide range of trend and restaurant vocabulary, but forced synonyms and collocations such as 'accounting 813' and 'reached to 913' reduce precision.
Use consistent category names and natural data phrases such as 'stood at', 'rose to', 'fell to', and 'increased by'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied sentence structures convey the comparisons, though agreement, article, preposition, and noun-phrase errors recur throughout.
Review subject-verb agreement and remove unnecessary prepositions, particularly in forms such as 'the growth was', 'accounted for', and 'reached 913'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar graph below shows the number of own operated and Franchised restaurants from 2007 to 2012 in Someland.
Your response
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