You came to know about a piece of equipment that would help you at your workplace. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: - describe the equipment - explain how it might be helpful at your workplace - offer help in purchasing it.
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you to keep you informed aboutlet you keep updated with a recently launched fireproof safethe recently launched fire safe box onin the market at a discounted rate. I suppose it would be beneficial to our officeconducive for our office.
Let me provide more detailsLet me inform you in detail about the fire safe box. It is a small box, but it has sufficient space to store important itemsstore any item. It has an inbuilt alarm as well as a secure electronic lockan electronic lock, which is safe and secure.
Do you rememberWould you mind remembering last year’s incident? It wasIt had been a heart-rendingrendering scene when the fire suddenly broke out, and as a resultresultantly there was a huge loss of property. So, a fire safe box can help in keeping our valuables safe such as insurance papers, confidential files, passports of employees whopassports of the employees, who frequently travelvisit overseas to represent ourtheir company’s products. It can withstand heat for up to an hour at a temperature of 1,200°at 1200° temperature.
May I venture to add a few suggestions? It can be purchased eitherEither it can be purchased offline or online. If it is purchased online, there isthen there is a flat 50% discount. Therefore, two fireproof safes for that amountthat amount of 2 fire safe boxes can be bought and installed on the ground floor as it is safer to install them there instead of on the top floor, where the risk of fire exposure is more.
I am looking forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerelySincerely,
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is well organised and gives specific, relevant detail about the fire-safe box and its value to the workplace. However, it does not clearly offer the writer's own help with purchasing, and several ambitious expressions sound unnatural. The most important improvement is to add a direct practical offer of assistance, then express the supporting details in simpler, more idiomatic language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The equipment and its workplace benefits are developed clearly, but purchasing advice does not fully satisfy the request to offer personal help.
State exactly how the writer can assist, such as comparing suppliers, placing the order, or arranging delivery.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through the purpose, equipment description, benefits, and purchasing considerations, with effective paragraphing.
Remove the rhetorical questions and streamline transitions so the formal letter develops even more directly.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific and less common vocabulary is used, although several choices and collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Prefer idiomatic expressions for introducing the product, recalling the fire, describing heat resistance, and discussing the discounted price.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally clear meaning, but awkward clause construction and reference occasionally weaken accuracy.
Simplify overloaded sentences and check pronoun reference, modification, and article use in the technical and purchasing details.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You came to know about a piece of equipment that would help you at your workplace. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:
- describe the equipment
- explain how it might be helpful at your workplace
- offer help in purchasing it.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.