Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion?
Sample Response
It is true that when people enter their golden yearsadvance into their golden years, they require more help and attention. For that reason, many people believea significant number of people hold the opinion that the government should provide financial assistance to the elderly. However, I tend to agree with those who argue that workers should be saving a portion of their income to have a nest egg forin their retirement.
To begin with, a culture of saving rather than depending on the government may foster the overall economic development of a country. In other words, if people were to accumulate their own savings for retirementfor their pension age, it would lessen the financial burden on the government. As a result, the government would be able to allocaterelease more funds to more productive purposes, such as development of infrastructure, industries, hospitals, and so on, which may expedite the overall progression of a country.
In addition to economic factors, putting money aside has some personal benefits. Since savings-oriented people are not dependent on the state for their living expenses, this may instill a sense of self-respect and pride in them. On the other hand, those who are reliant on financial assistance very often face negative societal stigmaface the negative societal stigma, as many people consider them to be inferior and unworthy members of society. Hence, to live a life with dignity and pride, taking responsibility for funding one’s own retirement is evidently a better option from an individual perspectivefrom individual perspective.
In contrast, the provision of financial support for retireesmonetary outlays for retirees has proven unfeasible in many countries. Since in many nations the number of senior citizens is on the rise, in the long run governments are likely to struggle to sustain the cost of providing for the elderly. The early signs of this have been seen in many countries whose governments were forcedcountries that were forced to raise the retirement age, including my home country where men can now retire at the age of 67 instead of 65. Therefore, in the foreseeable future, this kind of supportthese kinds of support may become completely unsustainable.
In conclusion, the provision of state monetary support may undoubtedly ease retirees’ concernslessen the concern of retirees to some extent. However, considering the issue of sustainability of this provision, it is better to opt for individual savings from the very beginning of working life, for the benefit of both individual and national development.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistently maintained position, supported by several relevant and logically extended arguments about national finances, personal dignity, and long-term sustainability. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement and some imprecise phrasing, particularly around welfare stigma and government spending. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify those claims and use more natural collocations so the sophisticated reasoning sounds consistently precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout and is supported by several relevant, well-developed arguments.
Qualify broad claims about welfare recipients and government expenditure to make the reasoning more measured and convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader effectively.
Use slightly less explicit signposting so relationships between ideas emerge even more naturally.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary conveys nuanced economic and social arguments, though a few collocations are awkward or overly formal.
Replace phrases such as “release more funds to” and “from individual perspective” with more idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, with only occasional minor article or phrasing errors.
Polish article use and prepositional phrasing in complex sentences to achieve more consistent grammatical precision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.