An increasing number of families have computers at home. what are the advantages and disadvantages of internet access for minors?
Sample Response
Due to cutting-edge technologyTechnology, numerous families have computerselectronic gadgets. As a resultResultantly, these are both benefiting and harmingbenefiting as well as damaging minorsthe immature. Suffice it to say thatSuffice to say that they keep themselves up to datemake themselves updated with modern technology whileand simultaneously adopting a sedentary lifestyle.
At the outset, computers are beneficiallucrative for children as they keep themselves abreast with the widerouter world and do their work conveniently. Thus computers with internet access have reduced the burden of their school assignmentslessened their burden of school assignments as well as their stress. Juveniles are able to multitaskdo multi-task and they feel elated to play games, listen to music, and chatchatting with their friends. For instance, Now the availability of varied types of apps like Funbrain Jr., Fish School, Science 360 and to name but a few are helping offsprings to broaden the horizon of their knowledge, as well as these Apps, are based on learning by doing so children entertain themselves and their learning remains for long-lasting.
On the other hand, the downsides of internet accessits downsides can not be ignored as they will spend excessive amounts of timespend maximum time on computers, whichcomputers and which can have deleterious effects on their psyche and body. In addition, the communication barrier in a family is another issue because children will have less conversation due to spending more time doing their work on E-gadgets and poor communication can lead the children to reach unwanted sites due to lack of parental supervision. Thus, there are a high risk of children being misledgreat chances of misleading the children. Children are not mature enoughnot enough mature to distinguish between moral and immoral. So, uncontrolled children will be difficult for the parents to tackle consequently childhood itself would be in peril due to technology. To exemplify it, many children attend Zoom classes and simultaneously, they chit chat with their friends and now and then any illegal activity on the internet catches their attention and it will diminish their interest in the study and they develop enmity for anyone, who supervise them.
In conclusion, Computers are beneficial for minors in speeding up their productivity and making them relaxed when they play games on them; however, there are myriad chances to channelize their energy in the wrong direction. Lack of proper communication, overuse of the internet for pornography, etc.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both benefits and risks and uses a clear four-paragraph structure, with several relevant examples. Its main limitation is that ideas are sometimes expressed through imprecise claims, awkward vocabulary, and error-heavy long sentences, while the ending becomes a fragment rather than a fully developed conclusion. The priority is to express each main point in shorter, grammatically controlled sentences and explain its consequence precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are addressed with relevant examples, although some claims are insufficiently explained or loosely connected.
Develop each main benefit or risk through a clear cause-and-effect explanation instead of adding several partly explored points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear paragraphing and an overall logical direction, but progression within sentences is sometimes weakened by overlong chains and unclear references.
Divide long sentences into focused units and use referencing words only when their antecedents are unmistakable.
Lexical Resource
There is a fairly broad vocabulary and an evident attempt to use less common language, but frequent word-choice and collocation errors reduce precision.
Prioritise natural combinations such as access inappropriate websites, spend excessive time, and communicate less within the family.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, though frequent errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence boundaries limit control.
Check every complex sentence for a complete main clause, consistent verb forms, and correct subject-verb agreement before adding further detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
An increasing number of families have computers at home. what are the advantages and disadvantages of internet access for minors?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.