With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machines are now able to do the work which people used to perform. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.
Sample Response
It can be easily seen that technology has developed dramatically since the Industrial Revolution in the 19th centurythe industrial revolution in 19th century. This is evident in the factsynonymous with the fact that manifold types of new machines are being integrated into people's livesare being involved into human lives for multifarious purposes. However, the trade-off between advantagessuperiorities and drawbacks of advanced technology has sparked a heated debatesparked off a highly heated debate. The conundrum is worth consideringworth deliberating about and, from an objective perspective, I strongly supportcorroborate with the proliferation of new technologies in our lives. First, there are several drawbacks of having too many machines in our lives. The conveniences that the machines have proffered are synonymous with the laziness and the lack of muscle movements. For example, in 2015, with the invention of hoverboards, a tremendous number of young people havehas stopped walkingrefused to walk and chosenaccepted to stand on them to travel around. The impact of not practising their ability to walknot practicing to their walking ability in the long term cannot be ignoredgainsaid. Furthermore, robots are taking over jobs in factories, leaving thousands of men unemployed. This is happeningThis fact is happening in numerous factories in developed countries, especially in automobile plants in Italy, Germany, Japan, the U.S., among othersthe U.S and so on. On the other side of the spectrum, there are multitudinous benefits that machines have brought to mankind. No one can refute the fact that since the Industrial Revolution in the 19th centurysince Industrial Revolution in 19th century, the production rate of mankind has skyrocketedskyrocket multiple times. For example, the production of cars worldwide has accelerated astronomically thanks to robotic arms in factory, or agricultural products has flourished remarkably with the usage of watering planes and crop harvesters. Also, we are living in a world of relentless changes, technology has shaped our abilities in every aspect in a better way. Information, instead of spending lots of time searching in libraries, now can be reached easily with a single mouse clicks. Travelling speed has been escalated, from 40-50 kilometers per hour into 600 km/h with modern trains in Japan. The more advanced the technology is, the more productive humanshuman can become. To recapitulate, despite the disadvantages of the machines, the aforementioned superiorities of technology has outweighed its defects. In my opinion, it is beneficial for mankind to keep developing technologies and apply them to our lives.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both advantages and disadvantages and supports its main claims with several concrete examples, giving the discussion a clear overall direction. However, some examples concern technology generally rather than machines replacing human work, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. Focus every example on the stated trend and edit systematically for agreement, verb forms, articles, and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides of the trend are discussed with relevant main ideas, but several examples drift toward the broader benefits of technology.
Explain more directly how each example results from machines performing work formerly done by people and develop the consequences of that replacement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The disadvantages and advantages follow a clear sequence, although the response is presented as one block and some links are mechanical.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, and replace formulaic transitions with links that express the precise relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response shows considerable lexical ambition, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make the expression unnatural.
Prioritise accurate, familiar combinations such as agree with, become involved in, and production has increased instead of forcing uncommon synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted, but recurring errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, plurals, and sentence boundaries weaken control.
Proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement and complete clause structure, especially when joining two independent ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machines are now able to do the work which people used to perform. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.