Smoking can cause serious illnesses and should be made illegal. To what extent do you agree?
Sample Response
In this contemporary epoch, people are indulging ingetting indulged in numerous harmful habitscopious pessimistic habits such as smoking, consuming alcohol, and takingintake drugs. It is an irrefutable fact that smoking is one of the worst actions which is practised by mankind for centuries though it is hazardous and must be forbidden officially. Personally, I strongly agree withvehemently accord with the given assertion, and I will explicate my stance in the forthcoming paragraphs with credible illustrations.
Analyzing the given statement and elaborating further, there are multiple perilous issues involved when an individual smokes. For a new smokerFor an amateur, the health problems begin with a coughcommence with cough and minor throat infections. If a person smokes habitually for yearsIf it is habitual and relentless for years, then smoking can severely damage the lungsit substantially infects the lungs and leads to cancercarcinogenic diseases. It becomes critical gradually and may have to undergo surgeries, and the overall treatments cost millions or might lead to death. Not only chain smokers but also passive smokers are seriously affectedmassively impacted. To exemplify, if one person in a family smokes occasionally, then other family members are likely to be affected and experience deteriorating physical healthget affected and deteriorate their physical well-being. Therefore, it is pivotal that all citizens abstain from smokingmust abstain from indulging in smoking.
Turning to preventive measuresProbing ahead with the precautionary measures, the government must impose strict rules and make smoking a punishable offencemake it a punishable offence if a person smokes. Moreover, it should establish laws to completely ban the manufacturemanufacturing of cigars, and people who are employed in the cigar business can be offered alternative employmentprovided with other occupations. Furthermore, there are a few states in India where it is entirely prohibited, and it has been made illegal. To cite an instance, Gujarat, Nagaland, and Lakshadweep governments have banned smoking in their respective regions for the well-being of dwellers. In addition, the local authorities should run campaigns and deliver public awareness programmesraise awareness programs to the public by explaining the detrimental effects of smoking cigarettes. Thus manufacturing cigars and cigarettes must be prohibited by the government for the benefit of mankind.
Taking everything into consideration, there are numerous consequences involved due to smoking which is harmful to the human population, and hence, it must be forbidden illegally throughout the world.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and develops relevant arguments about health harms and government action in a logical sequence. Its effectiveness is reduced by frequent unnatural word choices and collocations, alongside some grammatical imprecision, which make the style strained even though meaning remains clear. Prioritize replacing memorized-sounding language with accurate, natural phrasing and proofreading sentence subjects and verb forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, sustains a clear agreement position, and develops relevant reasons and proposed actions.
Strengthen the support by using a precise, verifiable example and by addressing a possible practical objection to prohibition.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and progression is clear, although several formulaic signposts make the organisation feel mechanical.
Replace stock transitions with direct topic sentences that show the specific relationship between health consequences and legal measures.
Lexical Resource
There is a wide attempt at less common vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices create an unnatural and sometimes confusing style.
Prefer accurate everyday academic phrases, replacing expressions such as copious pessimistic habits, infects the lungs, and forbidden illegally.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but recurring errors in reference, agreement, and clause construction reduce precision while meaning generally remains clear.
Proofread every complex sentence for a clear subject and correct verb pattern, especially where pronouns refer to smokers, illnesses, or governments.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Smoking can cause serious illnesses and should be made illegal. To what extent do you agree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.