In the future, there will be a higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries. Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
The extension of human lifespan will result in an increasing number of elderly peoplenumber of elderly compared with the number of young peoplecompared to that of young people. This essay argues that the benefitspositive sides of this tendency are eclipsed by the negative ones because, despite familial and societal support from older people, this group of population poses greater risks to the economy and healthcare system.
On the one hand, the aging population plays a practical role in providing assistance for youngeryoung generations within families and societyin family and society. With regard to the former, young adults working full-timefull-time working young adults these days tend to rely on older people forin childcare, which is proven to lighten the financial burdenlighten financial burden on newlywed couplesnewly-wedded couples. In Vietnam, for example, the majority of grandparentsthere is a majority of grandparents who are in charge of caring for their grandchildren whose parents’ schedules are usually hectic during working hours. On a societal level, seniors have ample life experience passed down from one generation to the next as valuable lessons which are essential in assisting young people to tackle obstacles and guiding them ontoto the right path in life. Thus, the fact that older people will increasewill rise in number can be advantageous in helping the younger ones lead a peaceful life and ensure general well-being.
Nevertheless, I think that a higher proportion of older people can bring major drawbacks including economic burdensburdens on economic aspects and health services. Some may say that older peoplethe elder is no longer regarded as productive members of society's workforceproductive workforces of society, thus the growth of this groupgrowth in number of this group results in a shortage of qualified workers. This may lead to unfortunate consequences such as declining productivity, higher labor costs, and eventual economic stagnationand in the end, cause stagnation in the economy. Coupled with this is that the increasing number of older peoplesenior populations increases demandstimulates the demand for healthcare. Allocation of ample amounts of state funds, therefore, have to be distributed to improve services and facilities in the health sector. The practice may create uneven development in the general prosperity of nations as more resources which are supposed to be spent on education, construction, etc. to stimulate the economy, are instead directed towards alleviating pressure on healthcare systems.
In conclusion, despite the benefits of providing support for young people within families and societyin terms of family and society aspects, the increase in the number of old people generates more adverse effects on the national economy and health sector. Therefore, I hold the belief that this development is such a negative one.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response establishes a clear negative judgment and supports it with substantial discussion of both intergenerational benefits and pressures on employment, public spending, and healthcare. Its main limitation is recurrent awkward phrasing and faulty agreement within otherwise ambitious sentences, which reduces precision. The highest-priority improvement is to proofread complex clauses for natural collocations, consistent number, and subject–verb agreement while keeping the well-developed argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both the acknowledged benefits and the stronger economic and healthcare drawbacks are relevant and well developed.
Make broad causal claims more precise by explaining the conditions under which ageing populations create each economic pressure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion that follows the argument.
Replace awkward or mechanical transitions such as the construction introducing the healthcare point with simpler, more natural links.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of topic vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, though several collocations and population-related expressions are unnatural.
Use more idiomatic combinations such as older population, productive workforce, and social support, checking countability and word form.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures effectively, but recurring agreement, comparison, and clause-construction errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject–verb agreement, singular-plural consistency, and complete comparative structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the future, there will be a higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries. Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.