In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Communicating online at workConversing online at jobs is more popular than meeting in person. It may be due to the spread of technology and epidemics; however, this trend has more disadvantages like it has made people isolated, ostentatious, and by and by they disregard the social values.
FirstFirst off, nowadaysNowadays people have very hectic schedulesa very hectic schedule so they consider talking to their colleagues online rather than meeting them in personmeeting personally. They just communicate only to stay connected withperform their duty to stay in connection with them. Consequently, theyThus they experience isolation. To exemplify, people usually converse when they experience any problem or need help only then they consider talking to them online. It becomes difficult for them to understand the real cause of their problem. They feel alone. Likewise, if they meet their co-workers in person, then they can share their feelings and their troubles more effectivelyas well as troubles well. The personal touch is more important and has a more lasting effect than receivingremains for a long time than getting the same treatment online.
Moreover, peoplemasses tend to become more ostentatiousgaudier and now and then they use jargon that becomes unintelligible to othersintelligible for others. Consequently, this behaviourThus this kind of behavior makes them unpopular among their colleaguesstaff members. In this way, they disregard the social values that are mandatory to have a cosmopolitanCosmopolitan ambiance at the workplace. For instance, people equip themselves with cutting edge technology and developbuild superiority complexes, and want to show off their knowledge to their counterparts by making them feel inferior in their use of technologyin the usage of technology. In this way, people lose social values and become more like machinesmore like a machine.
In conclusion, Though conversing online has made communication instant and clear; but, it has made people isolated, people in order to make their colleagues feel inferior display their knowledge, and lose their reputation or dignity just because of their ostentatious nature. So definitely its disadvantages are greater than the advantages.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear view that the disadvantages are greater and organises two supporting ideas into distinct body paragraphs. However, the advantages receive almost no development, while several claims about isolation, showiness, and social values are loosely connected or unconvincing; frequent imprecise word choices also blur meaning. The priority is to make an explicit comparison and support each disadvantage with a realistic workplace mechanism and example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and disadvantages are developed, but the comparative judgement is limited and some supporting claims are weak or implausible.
Develop at least one concrete advantage and explicitly explain why the identified disadvantages have greater practical impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall structure and recognisable progression, though repetition and loose connections within paragraphs sometimes disrupt the argument.
Give each paragraph one focused claim and connect every example directly to the workplace consequence being argued.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a varied vocabulary, but frequent imprecise or unsuitable choices distort several ideas and reduce naturalness.
Prefer accurate workplace vocabulary over conspicuous synonyms, and verify the meaning and register of less familiar words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but frequent errors in punctuation, capitalization, agreement, and sentence linkage reduce accuracy.
Control clause boundaries and conjunctions first, then proofread systematically for capitalization and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.