Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion.
Sample Response
Allow me to present the three benefits of smokingthree positive sides of smoking. Firstly, smoking certainly helps many people to relax. For some, it even improves concentration. If someone is upset owing to debt or they have exam, like to smoke to reduce the pressure or tension. Most peopleMost of the people like to smoke when they are relaxing with friends. Secondly, governments throughout the world make huge profits from taxes on cigarettes. The income obtained through taxes provides funds which are used for building schools, hospitals and public placesbuilding school, hospital and public places such as parks, gardens, sports grounds and footpathssports ground and foot paths. Thirdly, the tobacco industrytobacco industry also employs tens of thousands of people all over the world, particularly in poorer countries such as Zimbabwe or the Philippines. Without cigarettes, these people would have no jobs.
Despite these positive effects, there areDespite these positive effects there are manylots of negative effects of smokingnegative effects to smoking too. More importantlyInitially, smoking has been proven to be very harmful to healthdangerous for health. As one cigarette contains more than 4000 chemical substances, therefore, it causes for many dangerous diseases such as heart attacks, asthma, bronchitis or lung cancer. According to a recent report in Britain, close to 3,500Britain close to 3,500 people are killed each year in road accidents and 120,000 are die from smoking-related causeskilled by smoking. Furthermore, smoking costs governments millions of dollars because of the large number of people who need treatment in hospitals for smoking-related problems. Moreover, passive smoking isMoreover, passive smoking is also a major concern today. Recent research shows that non-smokers can suffer from health problems if they spend long periods around peoplelong periods of time among people who do smoke. In the UK children whose parents are smoke are three times as likely to start smoking themselves _.
In short, I think the world would be a better place without cigarettes. However, the decision of whether to smoke or notwhether _ smoke or not to smoke should be made by each individualshould be for each individual to make. I suggest that people should not smoke in a room or a place where there are non-smokers; however,non smokers, however they should be free to smoke elsewhere.
This is a very good essay, you have made your arguments well and set out the paragraphs as required. However, pay attention to your use of assertive statements e.g. ‘Without cigarettes, these people would have no jobs’. Perhaps they would gain employment in another industry – we cannot be sure. Over all, well done!
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a substantial range of relevant ideas about smoking and organizes them into a broadly understandable discussion. However, it focuses mainly on smoking's general benefits and harms rather than directly evaluating the stated workplace and public-place bans, and the appended reviewer-style paragraph further weakens task focus. Prioritize a clear position on the bans from the introduction onward, then support that position with policy-specific reasons while correcting recurrent sentence-level errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The discussion contains relevant material and a qualified view, but it only partially addresses whether comprehensive office and public-place bans are the right action.
Frame every main paragraph around the proposed bans and state clearly whether each type of prohibition should be adopted.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main discussion follows a recognizable advantages-to-disadvantages progression, though mechanical listing and the final reviewer-style paragraph disrupt overall unity.
Remove material outside the essay voice and organize body paragraphs around reasons that directly support the position on bans.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss health, taxation, and employment, but recurrent awkward or inaccurate combinations limit precision.
Improve collocations and word forms in phrases such as "positive sides of smoking," "causes for many diseases," and "parents are smoke."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, sentence construction, and punctuation reduce control.
Prioritize complete clause structures and accurate noun and verb forms, then separate independent clauses instead of joining them with commas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.