In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people in some countries. Is this positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Developments in medical technology and health care systems, among many other factors, are leading to people having a longer life expectancypeople having longer life expectancy than before. As this trend continues, in the future, we can expect the number of old people will be much greater than that of young people. In some respectsIn several ways, society may benefit from a growing proportion of senior citizens. However, I believe the rest of the world population would have to shoulder manymuch more responsibilities and the global economy would face a serious labor crisis.
On the positive side, an increase in the number of olderold people means a greater pool of volunteers for community and government projects. These people are usually more financially securecomfortable and therefore more willing to contribute unpaid labor to improving their communitiescontribute free labor to ameliorating their communities. For example, we often see old people in developed countries engage in charity work to provide shelter and food for the homeless in their neighborhoods. Such an act also instils a great sense of responsibility and altruism ininto younger generationsthe young generation. This is, in fact, globally recognized to be advantageous in a world where selfishness hinders one from taking action for the sake of others.
Nevertheless, aging populations will place considerable pressure on societyplace the whole world under many pressures. Both governments and businesses will have to pay for increased retirement pensions and health care costs, which means tax-payers will have to bear a greater financial burden and the young workforce will have to work harder and care for the elderly at the same time. Delete(1) Furthermore, a shortage of young workerslack of young labor workforce would cause stagnation infor the growth of individual businesses and the global economy as a whole because little innovation may take place in these circumstancesin this circumstance. Delete(2) As a matter of fact, many developed countriesfirst world countries whose proportion of senior citizens is higher than that of young people, such as Japan, are already experiencing these undesirable impacts. Delete(3)
In conclusion, an aging population is beneficial in certain ways. However, the benefits society may reap from an aging population cannot match the damage it inflicts. It is important that the world governments should not underestimate the complexity of this problem and take immediate action to reduce its future influences.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear negative judgment while acknowledging a benefit, and its discussion of fiscal and labor pressures is logically developed and supported. The main limitation is that some claims are generalized to the whole world and several awkward collocations weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify the scope of the argument and express the economic consequences in more natural, exact language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The prompt is fully answered with a consistent position and relevant development of both benefits and drawbacks.
Qualify broad global claims and deepen the explanation of why the disadvantages outweigh the volunteer benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized and progresses clearly, with generally effective paragraphing and cohesive control.
Remove the unexplained numbered markers and tighten links between the financial burden, labor shortage, and innovation points.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic-specific and less common vocabulary, despite several awkward collocations.
Use more natural phrases for responsibility, workforce shortages, economic stagnation, and future effects.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are mostly controlled, although recurring article, countability, and complementation errors remain.
Edit constructions such as much more responsibilities and expect the number will be for accurate grammatical form.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people in some countries. Is this positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.