At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Young adults in some nationsYouths in some nations, including some Asian, African and Western countries, comprise a large percentagethe highest percentage of the total population. Having a larger proportion of youth is considered to have many advantages as well as disadvantagesdemerits for a country. I personally believe that a country reaps more benefits from its young and active workforceactive and young workforce.
Having a large proportion of young adults and a relatively low percentage of seniors may lead to a imbalancedisbalance in a nation's demographic structurethe demography of a nation and bring some negative consequences. Unemployment could be one such serious consequencesignificant negative outcome which can lead to higherincreasing crime rates, social unrest and political instability. Moreover, olderelderly people have vast experience and wisdom that are vital for many important state positions. With their diminishing numbers, the nation may struggle to find suitable older candidatessuitable elderly to fill those positions. For instance, elderly politicians, writers, researchers and doctors have more to contribute to society than their younger counterparts.
On the other hand, the young generation is dynamic and energetic, anddynamic, and energetic, and can contribute to the labour marketcontribute to the job sector which has a huge positive impact on the economic development of the country. They come with fresh ideas and are free from old dogma. These qualities give themIt gives them a competitive advantage in driving innovationbringing innovations. It is undeniable that the educated young generation is the best resource a country can have, and their contribution to the country is significantly higher than the contributions of children and older peopleparticipation of children and elder people. For instance, technological development is mostly driven by youths and many countries reap the benefits of technological advancements from their relatively larger young populationshigher younger populations.
To conclude, older people should not be considered a burden for the country; however, the young have more to contribute to society and the country as a whole. This is why it is more beneficial for a country to have an active and innovative workforce than a population of dependent senior citizensthan dependent senior citizens.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position, considers both sides, and supports its comparison with logically relevant consequences and examples. Its main limitation is that several claims are broad or only briefly justified, while some awkward word choices reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the comparison more explicitly, showing why the economic and innovative benefits outweigh the identified social and demographic risks.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, and both advantages and disadvantages are relevantly developed with supporting examples.
Make the weighing more explicit by explaining why the principal advantages are more significant than the social risks discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Strengthen links between individual claims so that each example more visibly supports the paragraph's central comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, although phrases such as "disbalance in the demography" and "higher younger populations" are awkward.
Prioritise natural collocations and precise demographic terms over less idiomatic or inflated formulations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, despite occasional agreement, punctuation, and phrasing lapses.
Proofread complex sentences for cleaner coordination, article use, and consistent noun forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.