The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007.
Sample Response
The graph shows the estimated highest population of elephants in nine different Asian countries. Overall, India had the highest number of elephants and except in Cambodia and Laos, the number of elephants declined noticeably. According to the graph, elephants in most of the countries in the list fell in 2004 than that of earlier 1997. This was more prevalent in Malaysia and Thailand where the number of this species dropped to less than half the figure in 1997. In the former, the number of elephants fell as low as 1000. India remained the country with by far the largest elephant population but experienced a dramatic decline in the number of elephants in seven years. China had the least number of elephants which was a thousand only and this decreased to half of that in seven years. Although the trend was downwards overall, the elephant population in Laos and Vietnam remained almost the same, just over a thousand. The only country where elephant's population actually grew was Cambodia, where the number increased by 200.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match chart terminology Original: estimated highest population Suggested revision: estimated maximum population Why it matters: Maximum matches the chart title more precisely than highest in this noun phrase.
- 2. Use concise exception Original: except in Cambodia and Laos Suggested revision: apart from Cambodia and Laos Why it matters: Apart from integrates the two exceptions more smoothly into the overview.
- 3. Qualify overall decline Original: declined noticeably Suggested revision: generally declined Why it matters: The decreases in Sri Lanka and Vietnam are slight, so noticeably overstates the pattern across all remaining countries.
- 4. Use correct subject Original: elephants in most of the countries in the list fell Suggested revision: elephant populations in most listed countries fell Why it matters: Populations, rather than the elephants themselves, are the quantities that fell.
- 5. Fix comparison structure Original: in 2004 than that of earlier 1997 Suggested revision: in 2004 compared with 1997 Why it matters: Compared with correctly forms the comparison between the two years shown.
- 6. Describe magnitude precisely Original: more prevalent Suggested revision: most pronounced Why it matters: Pronounced appropriately describes the particularly large decreases in Malaysia and Thailand.
- 7. Use concise reference Original: the number of this species Suggested revision: their populations Why it matters: Their populations refers clearly and concisely to the elephant totals in the two countries.
- 8. Name country directly Original: In the former Suggested revision: In Malaysia Why it matters: Naming Malaysia avoids making the reader resolve former across a long sentence.
- 9. Report estimate naturally Original: fell as low as 1000 Suggested revision: fell to about 1,000 Why it matters: Fell to about is a natural way to report an approximate chart value.
- 10. Use measured wording Original: experienced a dramatic decline Suggested revision: declined substantially Why it matters: This wording reports India's sizeable decrease without unnecessary dramatization.
- 11. Fix quantity collocation Original: least number Suggested revision: smallest population Why it matters: Smallest population is the correct collocation for comparing national elephant totals.
- 12. Place modifier naturally Original: a thousand only Suggested revision: only about 1,000 Why it matters: Only normally precedes the approximate quantity in this construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- estimated highest population estimated maximum population
- except in Cambodia and Laos apart from Cambodia and Laos
- declined noticeably generally declined
- elephants in most of the countries in the list fell elephant populations in most listed countries fell
- in 2004 than that of earlier 1997 in 2004 compared with 1997
- more prevalent most pronounced
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response identifies the dominant pattern and supports it with useful comparisons, particularly the steep falls in Malaysia and Thailand and India's continued lead. However, its overview overstates the extent of decline and conflicts with the later statement that Vietnam was broadly stable, while several comparative sentences are grammatically awkward. The priority is to make the overview fully consistent with the chart and express comparisons more accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report presents a clear overall decline and several accurate key figures, but it overgeneralizes the trend and gives uneven coverage of the countries.
State that most populations fell while Cambodia rose and Laos was stable, then distinguish the slight falls from the sharpest declines.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves coherently from the overview to major declines and exceptions, although one overview claim conflicts with a later detail.
Organize the details into a declining-country group and a stable-or-rising group so the overview and evidence align.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for trends and comparisons, with some imprecise or awkward wording such as 'fell in 2004 than that of earlier 1997.'
Use controlled comparative phrases such as 'fell from X to Y,' 'was less than half its earlier level,' and 'remained broadly stable.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, but errors in comparison, agreement, reference, and possession recur.
Focus on accurate comparative clauses and noun forms, especially 'the population fell,' 'compared with 1997,' and 'the elephant population.'
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